Revisiting the Fountain of Youth

Back into the swing of things.

I felt a month break from blogging was good enough. With so many different ideas spawning in my mind over the last month, I'm sure I have plenty of inspiration and material to blog over. But I've been having so much thought about the future. What life has in store for me. It's one of the only things I have had my mind on lately. My future. The future in general. But perhaps even further developing this concept, I have thought about my past. The origins of my life that have sculpted me into the being that I am today.

My youthhood.

I have had many lapses back to my childhood. Memories that I am still very fond of, items of my past that hold incredible significance of me. I've discussed the Fountain of Youth before in previous posts. Lately I've been revisiting the concept, about what creates that source of childhood behavior. It seems to be becoming more and more apparent to me that the Fountain of Youth is always flowing. That fountain consists of the memories that we are so fond of, and they lie within the inner quandaries of the mind and in the heart.Yet, these memories are just like pictures.

They fade with age.

It has been hurting me lately to realize that I am growing up. No longer the young and smiling child that I see in the pictures of carrying the red bouncy ball in my giant front yard next to the oak tree that I would always climb into with my cousin. Instead, I look back to these memories. They fill me with happiness, but what more do these memories serve? Simply the reminiscence of cherished moments. These moments can never be recaptured. Instead, I am becoming an adult. In attempt - or perhaps denial - to such thought, I have been searching for that very same Fountain of Youth I mentioned previously. I used to keep the mindset that this fountain was drying.

In fact, I was wrong.

Instead, as I begin to take the step from adolescence into adulthood, I rely upon my Fountain of Youth to better the future that is yet to come. All of these memories that I have held as a child, they influence my being still. The young child that has splattered spaghetti all over his face may not be the same in physical being, but the dreams that were developed as a child are still here. The dreams of going on to help others. The dream of going on to be a notable part of life. As we begin to look back on the unique childhoods every single one of us have, you have to remember one thing about your Fountain of Youth.

Dreams are where it all starts.

The Happiest Man in the World

This is one of my favorite stories I've ever heard.

A king and his servant rule over a kingdom of thousands of inhabitants: peasants, merchants, knights, all sorts of diverse social classes. For the most part, this kingdom was a peaceful and prosperous setting. Business was constituted as usual, crime was very low around these parts, and the king was happy. The king ruled for many years and began to grow older and older. He watched his kingdom grow with him, but the king had become very sorrowful as his age increased. The king had spent a majority of his wealth and had very little money left to his name. The king had never met a woman to call his wife or to start a loving family with. The king had become more and more frail due to his age, and his strength was ailing. Troubled by the king's recent depression, his servant suggested a proclamation: have all of the citizens of the kingdom come to the palace and prove to the king that they are the happiest person in all of the land. After finding the happiest person, claim their shirt they bare on their back so that the king my inherit their happiness.

The search began. One of the first to be interviewed by the king was a lowly peasant. The king asked "What makes you the happiest man in the world?" The peasant replied, "Why, I have been married to the love of my life for 12 years now. We have raised 3 beautiful children together, and my job as a blacksmith has caused me to grow into a very strong individual. However, I am paid very little for my job, and have little money to support my family. This is the only thing that saddens me." The king deemed this man was not the happiest in the kingdom, and dismissed the peasant.

Another man was brought to the palace, a traveling merchant that resided within the market district of the kingdom. The king asked "What makes you the happiest man in the world?" The merchant replied "I have an extremely successful business selling goods from other kingdoms, this has made me a very rich man. I have also met several women along my travels which keep me in great company. However, I am a very weak man, and do not bear much physical strength. This is the only thing that saddens me." The kind deemed this man was not the happiest in the kingdom, and dismissed the merchant.

Lastly, a majestic and heroic knight was brought into the palace. The king asked "What makes you the happiest man in the world?" The knight replied "My skills in battle have trained me into becoming one of the strongest heroes in all of the kingdom, and many kings have showered me with their wealth for my services. However, my travels have been so extensive that I have not had the time to meet a beautiful maiden to settle with. This is the only thing that saddens me." The king deemed this man was not the happiest in the kingdom, and dismissed the knight.

The king became distraught. The entire kingdom had come to his throne and were not deemed the happiest in the world. The king was nearly about to break down, until a man walked through the palace gates. He was a poor man, dirty from sleeping on the streets of the kingdom and a full beard. The king laughed and thought this man had to be a joke. "Now, sir," the king exclaimed, "what makes you dare to show your presence to me as the happiest man in the world?" The poor man, under a cloth of dirt, smiled at the king. "Your highness, I have not a penny to my name. I have never met any woman who has ever had any interest in me. I am a very weak and frail man from hunger. I am the happiest man in the world."

Upon this information, the king and his servant burst into a bellowing laugh. "You? The happiest man in the world? You are poor! You are lonely! You are weak! You cannot possibly be happy!" The poor man shook his head. "Your highness, I am the happiest man in the world, because I have none of these objects in which to make me sad. I have myself, and I am happy with who I am. I don't need anything else to be happy." The king stared at this man in utter disbelief. "Sir, you are correct. I cannot believe it took me this long to realize this. I must have your shirt in order to inherit the level of happiness you have."

The man laughed in the king's face. The king then realized that the man bore no shirt to give him.

Think about it.

The Real Savage

I felt I should post this week, due to a huge outburst of thought.

This last week was very groundbreaking for those who follow the news in Colorado. The Jessica Ridgeway case has taken a step towards closure with the arrest of Austin Sigg, a 17 year old who was turned in by his mother upon finding evidence that may point to his involvement. This comes to the relief to many who have been closely following the case in their homes, wondering if they were in this same scenario, wanting to find the monster responsible for such an unspeakable crime of dismembering a young girl's body. Only a fiend could do such an evil thing. Only the work of a sick and twisted savage.

However, who is the real savage in this case?

By no means am I implying that what Sigg did is justified. Rather, I am pointing to the casual observers of this case; those who sit at home and say "What a sickening individual", "How could he do this", "I would personally kill the man myself for what he did." Are we truly this shallow of a society to immediately switch our views from the care of a little girl who was murdered to the punishment of the man who is allegedly responsible? We haven't even found out whether this man is guilty or not, whether he actually committed this crime. Yet, we still treat him like we witnessed him do it ourselves. Like a savage. A cold blooded killer with no emotion. We pay attention to his death, we wish for him to rot in jail, we pray for him to reap what he has sown.

And for what?

Does the death of this man truly constitute what has happened to the initial case - the death of Jessica? We seem to overlook that now that we have someone to blame. Someone to confide our anger in. Yet, this man is still the same as any one of us: human. A human with feelings, a human with emotion, a human with the ability to act. Yet, we defile someone who has yet to even be convicted and treat him as a savage with no heart, a ruthless killer without will, a monster of incredible caliber. Perhaps this is what is inside of all of us. Perhaps we are savages for wishing worse feelings upon him than he has committed. We're no better than whoever did such a thing to a young woman, caught in the middle of all of this.

Who's the real savage here?

Masquerade

Yet another week.

It's been tiresome, for sure. I've been quite busy the last couple weeks, but I have been noticing so much about human nature that I was nearly unsure what I would write about tonight. I figured I would begin with a pondering question that has been in my mind nearly since I have began my blog: the concept of masking the inner self, a split persona that everyone has, whether they are aware of this characteristic or not. In my retrospect, I see that as humans, we hold - at least the majority of us - two different sides of ourselves: an impure, altered, frivolous adaptation of our being that we often show to those who see us routinely, those who see us strictly on the surface level. For the most part, this adaptation is influenced by our social groups, our "sphere of influence", if you will. Perhaps it may be different than what we are.

This side is what acts as the mask.

Behind the mask lies the second side: the true form that we are born as. This side contains all of what we feel is right, all that we believe in without a doubt of ourselves or any other force. This portrayal is one not often seen by anyone besides ourselves. Sometimes, we even fail to see behind our masks to unveil our true form. The less acceptable form, perhaps, from what our masked form takes. This concept is similar to an alter ego, our masks being something that we cannot be, something that we want to be, something apart from what we truly are.

Why are we not allowed to remove these masks?

Alas, society does not take kindly to those brave enough to cut against the grain and show who they really are. Our world consists of one giant masquerade, full of anonymous individuals that wear flashy and beautiful masks of which they chose to wear. However, beyond the mask lies a human. Beyond lies a beautiful person, someone that wants to impact the world, make their mark. But yet, to reveal oneself is forbidden, as there are some looks or some perspectives that society does not accept.

But y'know what?

Perhaps it is those that get lost with their masked partners who know not of the beauty that you hold behind your mask. They become so involved in their new identity that they seem to forget the mask is on. The mask becomes part of them, no longer leaving a form to lie behind. Only a void of emptiness. However, there is so much more than what the masquerade wants you to be. You have too much to do, too much to become than to throw it all away and dance without identity. All it takes is that first step.

Reveal yourself.

Encompass

I decided to take a week off from blogging. Sorry to my regulars, I've been slammed lately.

This last week has just been so hectic, there has barely been any time to even rest. But what can I say, I've taken on the responsibility and I just have to keep going from this point. Seems like the story of our lives, just carrying out our routine events. Never seems like we're going anywhere, just going down a straight path to nowhere. I mean, when you think realistically about it, that's pretty much all it is, just day after day, living life until you finally reach the end of the road. Grim to a point to imagine, but in the basic structure of human life, that is the only sure thing that bonds us all together: birth, life, and death. Headed north and nowhere else.

Of course, there's always the bend in the road.

The path that leads off the main road. That thin stretch of dirt that beckons change and challenges difference. Finding what direction you truly want to take in life. Straying off from the north, headed north east, and then east, and then south, and so on. The compass that keeps us on track is truly a remarkable thing to behold, because really this sense of direction is internal, just as it normally is in any real life situation. The path we take in our lives is not necessarily that which is destined or which we are meant to know where we are going. Sometimes you just...gotta keep going, y'know? I've mentioned this metaphor of walking down a road previously, but it still remains the same. Aimlessly walking is not something to fear or think that it achieves nothing. In fact, often it is not the future that needs thought. It is the present, the path that is directly in front of you. Sure, there may be a few pot holes or long stretches with no direction change, but they cannot be seen unless you are looking directly in front of you.

The time is now, my friends.

Hang Loose

It's my favorite season of the year.

Autumn even sounds so much more graceful and appealing to the ears from the other 3 seasons that accompany Autumn in its cycle. Honestly, I hate people who call this beloved season "Fall". Yes, the leaves do fall, but the term just has such a negative connotation. Just say the word...Autumn. It calms the mind, the thought is so uplifting, it is almost as if new life is being brought forth. My love for Autumn expands over many different aspects, from the visual appearance of the faded gold, royal orange, and earthy brown leaves, to the lukewarm climate that wraps around you like a comfortable blanket, even the light breezes that brush through the leaves and carry the leaves away.

Man, I love Autumn.

I decided to start my Autumn off with a couple of good friends of mine, taking a trip down to Boulder to go see a diverse musical duo. The instrument of expertise was a hang, an instrument very similar to a steel drum or pan drum, except these instruments are very sacred to those who play it. The instrument is exclusively made in Switzerland by two men who own the company Panart. In order to get one, you must write a handwritten letter to the company stating why you feel you should be made a hang. If accepted, out of the thousands that write in every year, you will be called to Switzerland to receive your hang. Only 200-300 are made a year. This is something truly special. The following is why:

This is the group I went to go see with my friends. Hang Massive consists of Danny Cudd from the UK and Markus Johansson from Sweden. The sounds that they produced from these instruments...it was unreal. It told a story, it evoked emotion that typical forms of music have been unable to produce. You felt at peace listening to these two. Perhaps, even more intriguing than the music or instrument itself was the personality of these two guys. They seemed so...carefree. As if nothing in the world mattered than what they were doing. To produce beautiful music. I didn't really understand why they felt that way.

Until I was offered the opportunity to play one.

The utter generosity of Markus stunned me, frankly. After the performance, my friends and I decided to talk to the duo, who seemed to promptly ask us if we wanted to play the instruments. There I was, a special and rare instrument that costed upwards towards $3000 in my lap, being allowed to play it as if it were my own. My gosh...I have never felt so elated in my entire life. I felt just as the duo had appeared in their performance: graceful, at ease, not a care in the world.

And that truly spoke to me.

I figured that I would make this season of Autumn very much like the way I felt playing that hang. Peaceful, graceful, a new beginning of sorts. As the leaves turn their glorious colors and slowly age, I too will be one with them, growing into something more than I appear on the outside. A new birth, a sense of grace, understanding, and love. Call me a hippie, but I'll tell you what, it will surely be better than the static image of the person I once was before this experience.

May you experience tranquility yourself, my friends.

Day Late, Dollar Short

So I forgot to post a blog the other day. Whoops.

I suppose I owe it to my dedicated followers that I make a blog tonight. Interesting even, especially because this blog is about my ongoing battle with an old enemy of mine: my own procrastination. I mean, it sure seems fun while it lasts, but really I've been dragged down a lot because of it lately. I find it interesting how the human mind works, really. At least, the way that mine operates in terms of my own work. Whether it be school, personal projects, hell, even regular tasks sometimes I just can't seem to motivate myself to do a lot of things anymore because of other reasons. It's really taking a hit on me, and it sucks that things have to be that way.

On the contrary, my motivation has skyrocketed lately.

It just seems like that drive for excellence is beginning to increase in baby steps. Nothing too drastic, but I'm really beginning to see a surge in motivation to perform small tasks. From here, things can really only get better, creating a snowball effect in my motivation. I've discovered that in order to truly obtain what you want, you have to work for it, and that is something I am prepared to do. It seems like a lack of motivation has swept over quite a bit of human nature lately, which is an utter shame to see at times. Without motivation, how are we to be the great innovators and creators we are portrayed as? It doesn't matter how herculean the task at hand may be. Just remember with motivation, anything can be done. The common term used for a lack of motivation is being a day late and a dollar short.

Looks like I'll be raking in the profits early.

Karma

Karma is defined as the principle of performing one action, and this action will be returned to you.

This is the lifestyle that I have striven to achieve to the best of my ability. It just seems like my human nature enables me to help others more than myself. I couldn't really tell you why I do it. But I do. Other people mean everything to me. It doesn't matter how low, or how beaten, or how upset I am. The happiness of others is what means most to me. It is a topic I have delved into more than once, the concept of selflessness, and how achieving a balance of selfish and selfless behavior is the target. By giving enough to people, my ultimate passion in life, my life should be a well managed and balanced life through the principle of karma.

That's what you'd think, anyways.

I don't mean to exhibit self-pity unto myself, but things just haven't been great. And perhaps, this is my own fault. It seems all I do is give, and give, and give until my heart simply can't give any more. Regardless if it helps my own well being or not, I do all I can to help. My biggest flaw is that I try to please everyone, and this is a curse that I simply cannot shake. I truly am incredibly selfless, and some might say that is a good thing. In fact, it must be. All anybody tells me anymore is that "Joe, you're so helpful, you're such a great person, you'd do anything for someone." But in reality, that is my own downfall. I am so humble over myself, these comments don't even phase me anymore. It's just who I am. Lately, that hasn't been good for me. I seem to care less and less about myself. My own needs. I'm coming to the realization that really, there aren't many people that would return the favor.

It's just not human nature.

Everybody nowadays is so concerned with their own needs, what pleases them, selfishness over selflessness. This seems to be the way that people get through their lives successfully. Minding only themselves and no one else. Which is ironic, because through helping others so much, making others happy whereas it probably meant nothing to them in the long run, my life has only become worse for me. I just can't find any motivation to care about myself, because I only want to help others. No one really sees that as something wrong. But it is. Sometimes I wonder whether what I do truly impacts people, or whether people really take compassion for granted. Maybe karma's right.

Maybe I'm not as great as everyone says I am.

Burst of Emotion

Emotion may be one of the greatest flaws of human nature.

Such strong human instinct causes us to do some of the most drastic and ridiculous things. Emotion clouds the concept of judgement, acting purely on what seems like impulse. Heart over mind. It seems that as emotion increases, our decisions become less and less sound. Emotion enables vulnerability, in which exposed can lead to some of the most catastrophic consequences. Often, this is why we seldom choose to expose our own vulnerabilities and emotions, because we fear these consequences of hurt, anguish, despair, and hopelessness. Emotion sensationalizes the interactions we hold, but occasionally these sensations are not positive.

Negativity is our primary nature.

Something I've surely felt lately. The consequences of falling into such strong emotion, the temptation of the beautiful and extravagant flower that possesses the toxins of a slow and merciless death. The price that comes with everlasting happiness; something to revoke that happiness. For me, this is worry. Helplessness. The fear that this feeling may not last forever. And of course, the enemy that makes this pain so unbearable is myself. I am the only one who creates these scenarios that trigger fear and worry, my own thought enhances these emotions, further dragging me into the downward spiral. This only leaves me with one human trait to blame: emotion. It is emotion that has consequently brought me the sleepless nights of heartache, the absence of any feeling, the bitter cold tears that stream down my warm face in utter defeat. What exactly is such emotion good for?

Nothing.

Humanity is Awesome

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

Perhaps one of the greatest quotes in American history. Neil Armstrong will not be forgotten.

This quote, although iconic, has so much more meaning to what people credit it to. In fact, this quote is quite reminiscent of humanity in its entirety. When you sit back and reflect on what we as humans have accomplished, it can be monumentally disappointing. Out of all of the intuition we possess, we have been able to create some of the most evil and cruel concepts. We have the capacity to take away other human's lives, the ability to deceive and to break hearts, the mindset to cheat and steal and be so self centered that nothing else matters and a caste system is formed. Corruption has worked its way into humanity, ignorance and regret, ultimate sins that we all look back in retrospect that are simply evil. Even to think about the concept of war, fighting with another human being for a lost cause...the sorrow flows throughout the body even thinking about such tyranny.

But don't get me wrong. Humanity is awesome.

Look around. Look at what we have been able to accomplish with our ingenuity and our dedication. We have created a world that simply radiates with abundant accomplishment. We have forged great nations and have become a species like none other. As humans, we have so much talent, so much compassion and so much to live for, things that truly make humanity something to be proud of. We have harnessed the vastness of the universe, discovered the origins of our own existence, and simply accomplished the impossible. The human race has yet to uncover some of the most incredible things that our minds aren't even capable of trying to comprehend the unfathomable secrets that this unpredictable universe has to offer for us. Humanity has so much left for us to learn.

Keep leaping.

The Empty Room

I encourage you to try something.

Go into a secluded place. Your room perhaps, any place that enables meditation to occur. Make sure there is zero outside sound. Absolutely no sound at all. Close your eyes. What do you see? What do you hear? In fact, it is impossible to hear nothing. It is impossible to not create images within our subconscious that mimic what we portray the world around us to be. We hear the sounds that our brain wants us to hear, our feeble ears are not trained to deal with an absence of absolute sound. Our minds prohibit such an action. Instead, we are filled with what we think we hear, what we want to hear.

Emptiness is not what humanity is taught to transmit.

Yet, like an empty room, white walls surrounding you, nothing but you and your thoughts, I have felt emptiness. Something that disconnects me from the social norm and sparks a plethora of emotions from the depths of my mind. To be painfully presented with the images of what I desire, what I portray my life to be. It is similar to looking at a prized object through a window, in all of its esteemed glory, its beauty, the meaning it has within the chambers of your heart and mind, and you cannot have it, for what reason is up to circumstance. One of the most terrible human emotions to feel is regret. Knowing that one action could have resulted in something completely different, or perhaps not. No one knows.

This is what eats away at the mind.

This has driven me to the point of insanity, coupled with the figments of imagination that my brain spawns from silence and the sounds that soothe my ears when in actuality I hear nothing. Nothingness is the reality that I live in, where I cannot trust any perception to be reality nor falsified. Not even the concept of emptiness is safe from my own twisted perception, which is perhaps not twisted from my perspective, but maybe everyone else twists their perspective for myself, who knows at this point.

Perhaps I'm too far into emptiness.

Commitment to Excellence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit."

This quote is often related to the teachings of Aristotle.

What influences the experience of excellence in human nature? Excellence, as we have established, is something more than just an action, rather a habitual trait. This must mean that we achieve excellence through experience, just as any other quality in life. To establish a passion that embeds itself into not only one event, but through our own lifestyle. It must start somewhere, and I believe that starts with a drive. Any sort of outside force, a motive that inspires an individual to pursue the desires that they set out for personally with a mentality that focus on the overall goal.

This transgresses into an eventual enlightenment of the situation through experience.

This passion is what leads us to achieving excellence in our lifestyle, but what defines excellence in itself? There is no true way to define a standard of excellence, once more this is all based on perspective of the individual. But in the mindset of an individual, there should be some sort of standard that enables someone to excel in everything that is done. To know what needs to be done, to understand that though passionate pursuit comes the reward of satisfaction, a sensation that surmounts to none other, and without diligence and dedication, cannot truly be achieved. Excellence is only derived from the blood, the sweat, the tears that are produced by one who truly is willing to dedicate themselves to reach their ultimate goal, and beyond.

Commit yourself to excellence. Not only in what you do, in what you are.

Smile

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life. 


That is a quote from John Lennon.

I read this quote, and recently I have been dealing with a lot of human ignorance. I sat down for a bit and really delved into the topic of happiness, and how it associates itself into our lives. Yet as I have discovered before, there is a lot that stands in the way of reaching personal happiness and enlightenment,  both internally and externally. One of the strongest external forces that prohibits happiness is ignorance, in oneself and in others. Consider this: ignorance is often claimed in spite. However, ignorance is a tool that works both ways.  Are those who claim others are ignorant just as ignorant as the accused? It's a lot to take in. But perhaps, it is indeed true.

But why be ignorant?

Ignorance is defined as a lack of knowledge or information, but what information is there to be lacking in? That of the accused, the other side that is so harshly judged by he who claims ignorance. A big part of life, at least to me, is tolerance. Learning how to accept things from other points of view and setting aside your point of view in order to understand others who feel differently about an issue. Isn't that how we all get along? I related that to the quote, how people defined Lennon's statement, how they were ignorant to what he was trying to say, that happiness is the key to life. What reason is there to be ignorant? Ignorant is only a method of stubborn nature, to claim that one belief is higher than another. That certainly isn't untrue, it only prohibits the progression of life. Happiness.

Just smile. It's what John would have wanted.

New Beginnings

1,000 views? Seriously?

Honestly, I never thought I'd do it. So many people truly love to read what I have to write. Or you guys are assholes and just pressed refresh a lot. I'm gonna actually thing you like what I write.

Well, I just wanna take this blog to thank YOU, reader. Thank you for reading all of my woes, all of my passion, everything that I stand for. It's people like you that fuel the creativity and the drive to truly do something I love. Without an audience, there is no one to inspire, no one to influence. That is why I started Catch 22 in the first place, is to inspire people, to truly make them look at the world from a brighter standpoint. You guys genuinely make me happy, to hear about the lives I have touched, the ideas that I have influenced. That's all I've ever wanted to do with my life. And you guys have made it possible.

Thank you, so much.

Catch 22 was an experiment of mine, to account all of my observations of the world and harness my thoughts on humanity and our own existence, in order to truly define what makes us happy. Why we are here. What the meaning of life is, personally what my life meant. Through this blog, through your inspiration, through the kind words you have all encouraged me by, I have achieved the act of coming one step closer to my goal. My pursuit is that much shorter. I truly have found what it takes to be happy. And that's the thing, I know it. I couldn't teach it to you. Because what I have found, in a year of blogging, after 30 posts, after so many human interactions I have encountered and learned the philosophies of others, is that happiness cannot be defined. It is something for all of us to understand, to discover on our own. My hope is that I can inspire everyone to reach that point of enlightenment.

That's all I've ever wanted.

Anyways, like most blogs, I've caught myself rambling. In short, every single person who reads my blog has my undying and infinite gratitude for making my creation what it is. Here's to new beginnings, more inspiration, and another 1,000 views.

Enjoy the odyssey.

Innovative Tyranny

The human mind is an indescribable place.

The thoughts that spawn from the deepest quandaries of our mind can be the most inspirational and idealistic thoughts from our generation. There are so many innovators in this world, those who want to utilize the infinite power of the mind to create a tranquil and peaceful world with their inventions and their philosophies. Those who seek to purify this plagued world of its evils and create something that displays true beauty in the purest and most brilliant form.

And then there's the other side of the spectrum.

The same mind that we share as humans, our own human mentality, the same mind that can innovate is also capable of creating monstrosities of unreal proportions. Acts of tyranny that seem to have no purpose, simply a thirst for brutality. There are those in humanity who are dedicated to inflicting terror upon us civilians, of committing senseless acts of violence upon innocent victims. Those who have not the heart nor mind to care about the repercussions or the consequences of their actions. Perhaps even those who commit what may be the most evil doing of taking a child's life, one who is innocent and so new to this world of hatred and evil, these murderers are some of the most sickening and disgusting people in humanity. Cowards. It's grotesque.

This is humanity as we know it.

Summer Breeze

Simply the words bring you back to a special time.

Summer. More than a word, really. Even more than a season. An experience. Perhaps one of the most memorable experiences for many. Sitting here, listening to the mystical sounds of Bob Dylan, the cool refreshment of sipping iced tea from a jar, even sitting on my back porch and watching the sun retreat for the day to make room for the silver moonlight that illuminates the warm summer nights which are the cause of magic. It seems the most mundane tasks become charmed with the scent of summer, the golden rays of the sun, and the cool breeze that sweeps away all one's troubles.

And swept them away it has.

What is there to worry over in a time where all there is is friendship abound and memories to be made? Breaking the shackles and unleashing the fiery teenage angst that lies within all of us. To be swept away in the waves of the long days and cool nights, being who we are meant to be. Teenagers. Kids. To do otherwise against a teenager should be criminal. No one should be forced to do anything else but be themselves during such a magical time of the year. Go ahead, relax yourself. Be free. Chase the cute guy or the girl of your dreams that you've always wanted. Go out and have nights by the lake swimming and grilling until the sun rises. Rebel against adulthood and unleash the spirit you know you have inside you. Blow away your problems like the summer breeze. C'mon. You know you want to.

Make your summer more than a memory, my friends.

Trapped

Human nature certainly puzzles me.

This time, it's not an observation that I have noted in other people, although I am sure that others feel this way too. I have observed such behavior in my own being, and it is something that I haven't felt in the longest time. It's almost humorous to explain what I am going through because of how childish and ridiculous it is. Regardless of the underlying immaturity that may be present, it is something that I feel should be expressed. There's gotta be one person out there who understands what I'm going through. Maybe everyone feels this way in one way or another. They're just afraid to admit it.

Okay. Here goes.

How is it possible to feel such overwhelming emotion for one person? I just don't understand how one can invest unfathomable amounts of feelings for another human being. Is it something that just occurs naturally? Because this feeling only seems to surface when I experience something in my life that involves someone I care about with undying loyalty. Even in times of tragedy of which I am so fond of, the feeling of missing one person due to loss or disconnection. What causes us to feel so strongly? Conversely, there is the opposite. Someone that you care about so much, you would go to any lengths to show it. It's a phrase tossed about so often, "I would do anything for you." The question is, would you? Unfortunately, there is no way to show that you would unless the situation arises where you were given the opportunity to do so.

The thing is, I'm caught in this situation.

But I have this deep, sincere instinct that leaves me on standby to do anything for this one person. I just haven't been able to show it yet. I'm trapped in my own emotional bind, like I'm not sure how to contain all of this emotion. The worst part is I'm not sure how much I should invest in this. If it were to be that my investment is wasted because of the situation I'm in, what do I do? Either way, I feel I am in emotional turmoil. My own overwhelming feelings are being used against me, and until compromise is reached, I just feel trapped.

Get me out of here.

...and Justice For Some.

I don't like being political on my blog. But today, I just have to. Because this seriously got me angry.

Please tell me the difference between this person:

And this person:

Both were tried in court for serious crimes. The difference? One walked free while another waits to see if their life will be spent in prison.

The bottom photo is of the former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky, charged with 48 counts that range from involuntary deviate sexual intercourse to unlawful contact with a minor. Many former Penn State football players claimed that over the span of 15 years, Sandusky inappropriately touched, sexually harassed, and in one instance raped one of the victims. The late former head coach Joe Paterno was also tried, but died of lung cancer shortly after the accusations were made. During the trial, there was no physical evidence presented by the prosecution, only the testimony by the victims and others who testified, such as the mother of one of the victims who claimed that her son's "underwear would be constantly missing from the laundry." This statement was used as actual testimony against Mr. Sandusky. Besides these testimonies, there was no evidence presented to prosecute Sandusky.

The top photo is of famous mother Casey Anthony, charged with first degree murder of her daughter Caylee Anthony. Along with these charges were four counts of a misdemeanor charge of providing false information to a law enforcement officer. During this trial, there was an overwhelming amount of evidence presented by the prosecution in order to convict Anthony of this crime. There was motive (Anthony murdered her child to pursue a life of partying), there was physical evidence (telephone calls between Anthony and her parents), and the charges of lying to law enforcement officers showed she was trying to cover it up. Anthony made up a story of a fake babysitter that babysat her daughter the night of her disappearance, sending the police on a search for the made up babysitter. The defense merely used emotional appeal to defend Anthony in her trial. Very little evidence was given besides alibi. 

Jerry Sandusky was convicted on 45 of 48 counts. His sentencing has yet to be scheduled and awaits sentencing in prison. He faces life in prison.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty of first degree murder. She was, however, found guilty of the 4 misdemeanor counts. She was sentenced to 4 years in prison and $4,000 dollars. However, due to 'good behavior', Casey Anthony served two days in jail. She walked a free woman on July 17th, 2011.

Where is justice?

I'm not here to discuss whether these decisions were right or wrong. May I only ask, where has the American justice system gone wrong in their efforts to offer justice for all? Sure, it is impossible to determine what truly happened. There must be closure in each case to suffice the needs of the victims and their families, but is this closure truly satisfying? There are millions of criminals who are walking free today, while even more are in prison convicted of a crime they did not commit. Hell, we've even seen this before here locally in Colorado. This isn't the first time that the justice system has failed. My simple question is this:

Where is justice?

Equilibrium

Balance achieves tranquility.

To be at peace with oneself is the most vitally sound decision that any one individual can choose to make. A clouded mind cannot induce the proper thought that humans are and should be capable of. Often, we are surrounded by ideals that lead us astray in the path to enlightenment and cause such clouded thought. It is only under the equilibrium between tranquility and reality that one may contain a sound personna. This is where the concept of balance comes into play; all things are kept in moderation to the extent that there is not too much nor to little of one aspect. This theory is not only limited to material objects, balance of emotion and conceptual ideas is also an aspect crucial to the fluency of a peaceful lifestyle.

This is what I have been striding for recently: balance in life.

With the end of the school year close enough to taste, it is a time of transgression considering many aspects. A transgression from lower to upperclassman, a transition from spring time to summer vacation, to name a few. The time is ideal to begin the pursuit of discovery in the sense that I must find what keeps me content with the lifestyle that I carry out. To be content deals with this achievement of tranquility through balance and moderation, further leading down the path of ultimate enlightenment. With the overall goal of enlightenment in sight, it's all about further improving oneself from a personal standpoint and ridding of such nuisance aversions that distract from the straight path to true happiness. Of course, happiness is an opinionated concept that many define differently. The fact of the matter is as long as one is content, one is happy.

Just a short thought for a short week.

Existence

Something for you to ponder -

Attempt to define the qualities that make up one's life. What defines the usefulness of existence? Almost a completely satirical phrase to bear, "what is my life?" I've heard it a bit recently, and this phrase was the spark that ignited the fire which is this blog post. Don't worry, I'm not trying to say life is worthless or that there is no purpose to live, but rather I am considering the components of what makes life so valuable to pursue.

Allow us to delve into this topic, shall we?

The fact that we are alive and breathing to experience this phenomena of life is simply miraculous. Not to start any sort of debate, but there are many claims for the meaning of our existence. Right now I want to disregard any of those beliefs, and really encourage you to examine this from a general standpoint. Think about your own life, your goals, where you want to take your life. Why is it that you wish to do so? Within life, there are infinite amounts of decisions we can make. Each results in a different outcome, and our judgement decides whether it is beneficial to us or not.

So what composes our lives?

Allow me to give you my point of view. As an individual created in the universe, I'm not here to say what created me or why I am here. The point is that in our lives there is a purpose that all of us are to serve. All of us are made to find this purpose and to eventually serve it. No matter the stance you have on existence, one simply cannot argue that we all have a purpose we are to serve. Without such a purpose, there just isn't any meaning to a life, right? I mean, someone who just sits around and does nothing with their life, can they be truly happy with what they are living with?

Think about it.

The Necessity of Respect

Respect governs progress.

This statement is a fair representation of what I have experienced lately. What I mean by such a statement is without respect, there can be no progress within a given system. This can be between two people, within a group, anything. Respect is the driving factor in any relationship, be it friendly, business or intimate. This past week has been an eye-opening experience for me in terms of finding out where respect comes into play with me, how it runs my life. Things have been quite well in my case lately. Very much so, in fact! Giving and receiving that respect. Everything is coming together.

That's something new!

For example, all I can really relate this to is my friend Mark. Trying out for drum captain has really opened my eyes to my capabilities and the limitations that I have. Fortunately, Mark is in the position he truly deserves to be in. But we had a very long talk, and I've even been talked to by some of the staff. Purely, this is all based on the foundation of respect. Mark is one of my closest friends, and I can assure that it is for this reason that I respect him so much. It's a mutual respect, and this will provide a great relationship as friends progressing through our friendship as the year transgresses.

On a completely different note;

Respect has also taken a role in trying to earn respect from someone. Things have gone very well for this relationship, which shall remain a friendship for now. I had a wonderful time connecting with this one person, and that is leading into a world of greatness, not just for me but I would hope for them also. Here also is the existence of respect, I feel it for them and that hopefully will be returned. But at this point, all I can do is hope. I feel I must be very careful in my progress though. One wrong move and I may break all that I have built up. Either way, I'm sure things will look up for the better.

They will. Trust me.

Last Dance

Feeling creative!

Prom is coming up. Lots of people are being asked, many of them of which I associate myself with. It's very nice to see them being asked and having the ability to go to Prom. But it perplexes me...what is so exciting about going to Prom? I can surely say it's not the actual dance. Personally, I think school dances are some of the most pointless events...did I say they're not fun? Certainly not. From the dances I have gone to, it's a lot of fun to hang out with my friends and just lose my inhibitions for a night. But is Prom really that sad that girls just need the satisfaction of knowing that some guy notices them and asks them? Especially if they're young and immature.

Pfft. That makes me laugh.

It seems like the girls that are being asked to Prom...well, they shouldn't be there. I am a firm believer that there is a reason why Prom is for upper classmen ONLY. Because lower classmen just...can't handle Prom. They make such a huge deal out of it, "OH I'M GOING TO PROM", good for you, want a medal? Not to say they don't deserve to be excited...but really? Calm down. It's just and some guy who asked you, and for what?

However, I contradict my own theory.

My, how I wish I were an upper classman. The desire to take someone to Prom is just so heavy this year. It's not just some random girl, either. I could care less about the dance. It's just how strongly I care for them and how wonderful of an evening it would be with them. Unfortunately, age once more prohibits me from following my desires. Once more, I shall sit home the night of Prom. Is that bad? Surely not! I'll bet there's a lot of Prom Sucks parties to go to XD I'll be just fine.

Just know that if you're saving that one last dance, save it for me, dear.

Epilogue

As the sun sets past the horizon, so does another chapter of my life.

Goodbye 15. I've reached the big one six, the sweetest of all days, my 16th birthday. But with all of these fancy names for an occasion, what is so special about such a date? 16 comes with a price. Responsibility, for one. I now burden the task of emulating adult behavior, as I am one step closer to my ultimate goal of adulthood and living a successful life. Nowadays, I feel like I am generally succeeding in this particular goal. To be a success. That is all I have been expected of as I have lived my life. You have to be perfect, Joe. You must exceed expectations.

Believe me, I hate to be a let down.

But really, I believe I have found out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Something that will fulfill my life dream of helping others. I'm thinking of being a psychiatrist, in order to become a therapist. My love for other people and helping them through tough times can be lived out in a career that drives for helping people. How absolutely beautiful. No longer will I have to live my life with the dissatisfaction that I am no longer good enough, I've just been so discouraged...but I've had a lot of influence around me.

Influence that was not present for the longest of times.

There comes a time where all of your failures and defeats suddenly fall short to one triumph that you face. Certainly, this triumph has come into my life unexpectedly, yet at the best time that it could have. It's really changed my life, and it gives me hope. It actually gave me a new definition of hope. I'm really glad I was able to get this opportunity. It's very relieving. To be honest, one of the best things that has happened to me in a while.

This really is the start of something new.

An Endless Circle

One thought constitues another entire realm of thought. This is how things are now.

Running away from something that is already ahead of me. Running. All I want to do is stop. Face the music. Why can I not? Because I fear the road ahead, although I sprint down the road blind, disregarding all I run into. It's a cycle that none can escape. Running in circles. The worst feeling you can ever feel...going nowhere. Lately, it seems that is just what I have done. Gone nowhere. Backwards, even. When I try to seek refuge, I am merely hunted down by fate's ugly fortune and forced to seek shelter elsewhere. The truth is - there is no shelter. Where could you go? Who is to be trusted? No one is to say for sure.

What I'd do for a hint.

Fortune has not treated me too kindly. An opportunity held so dear, slipping away from your very fingertips. To feel the smooth surface grace your skin and then to be ripped away like the strings of one's heart. Yet again, a terrible feeling to feel. But yet, I still remain happy. Haha, emotions. They seem to always get the best of me. Contradicting everything I say with another figment of my brain that flutters away to another thought, and makes me feel better or worse about a situation. I don't understand why I do this...but I surely do.

I'm a stranger to myself.

But I know things will become better. They always do. Something comes around and enchants every aspect of my life until I have nothing to complain about. That is the picture perfect image; however as we all know nothing can achieve perfection. Yet this is what I shall still stride for, regardless of its impossible nature. I can predict what happens next, also. Call me a prophet, but I've seen it all too many times. I'll encounter disappointment, cower at its force, and crumble like the ruins of a battlefield. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's a cycle. A circle.

An endless circle, in which no one can form sides out of.

Us Against the World

I can't really sleep and I felt inspired.

Have you ever took a moment to step back and reflect how minuscule you are in a universe that is simply unfathomable to the mortal conscious? It's really this sort of stuff that keeps me up in the middle of the night and just makes me...think. Even making the analogy to a puzzle piece isn't good enough to express the mass quantities that make up everything. It just really makes you stop and realize...it's you against the world.

The thing is, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just because you're defined as against the world doesn't mean that you have to run against the grain. Against the world can mean that you may utilize all that the world has to offer. Rather than cower at the tremendous offerings, one takes that and makes the world everything that THEY want it to be. Possibly, I have achieved that recently to the fullest extent. That ability to say that I have control of the wheel in the car that coasts and sometimes careens down the road of life in the drivers seat rather than the passenger.

For example, I had someone I work with tell me something very uplifting tonight. They told me "Joe, you did an excellent job working tonight and did a great job communicating with others." Well, shit. What do I say to that? Not only was this mentioned, but the topic also came up that this leadership "could be exemplified in future jobs, my career, my life in general when it comes to that point."

...what does that even have to do with the concept earlier? XD

I don't really know. I'm tired, it's late, I'm just in a really great mood. That's not necessarily something that I can say too often. Is my current situation in life ideal? By no means. But what I have come to terms with is that self-acceptance, and that what other people express shouldn't influence my behavior towards anything. I actually talked to a good friend of mine about that recently, and I hope they're reading just to see how long of a ways that can take you.

I'm not sure how to end this blog. End it the way that you would like to.

Chasing the Sunset

There's nothing more beautiful than a Sunday sunset.

I spent my last weekend on a mission - a mission to view the sunset just as it retired between the snow-capped mountains. It certainly was a success, if I do say so myself. A wonderful night with some awesome friends.

Hm. Lots of stuff has been going on.

And yet, I still persist to focus on the smaller things that I have. Like a sunset. Time with friends. A pretty picture. Whatever it is. I've had some really deep conversations since I last blogged, and I suppose you could say things haven't really gotten better by any extent. TCAPs have worn me out, so many projects, grades that I just can't keep up with, I'm getting buried in my own grave. But y'know what? I've realized that there are so many things to look forward to past all of this. It's such a relieving feeling...to be free of all that binds us. All of our flaws, our problems, we can just...let it go.

Letting go. That sounds familiar.

Similar to my events on Sunday. Chasing the sunset. Finding closure to something that burns so passionately, yet not something that is necessarily a good thing. I've been hurting so much, so dreadfully much these last couple of weeks (couple? I've lost count.) But the thing is, I have such great people like Mark and Mikey (hope you're reading guys) that really trudge me through the worst of times. I've been figuratively chasing the sunset all these days, desperately trying to see something that has been so hurtful finally, gracefully come to a close. But unfortunately, the sun has been blaring hot these last weeks. It's noon in my progression of closure, full swing and not letting down. But you know what?

Let it be.

I've learned something today, this last week, that has given me strength to keep on going. You just have to realize what you have. The small things. What do I have? Well, the thing is, I don't have much. Not now. But I've come to terms with that, I've acquired wisdom through my realization. And that's what counts the most. One day I'll be able to see the moon in this ordeal.

I sure hope so.

Shameless

Phew. This is gonna be tough.

There's been some stuff that's been...bothering me. Clouding my thought, stuff that I have repressed for a long time. I know there's some people who read my blogs who care very much about me, and still don't know some of this stuff. So I'm just gonna come out and say it. I've realized, I am who I am. And everyone should know that.

I'm an atheist. That's a shocker to some. Others might laugh because it's just so obvious. Yeah. I don't believe in any deities. But you know what? Call me sacrilegious all you want, call me a sinner, call me anything. But I hold my own beliefs. Enlightenment in oneself, how we come to our own reason, whether it be through guidance such as a religion or an influence, or completely on your own through process of thought or other means. There's been a lot of religious interpretation all week for me, and it's felt wrong to hide my stances to some people and freely express to others. So I hope that people don't judge me on that. It's just what I stand for. My beliefs deserve just as much as respect as yours.

I'm weak emotionally. Yeah, really. It bothers me when people see me as so strong, as someone to look up to, as someone that is this amazing person inside and out. I'm really, really not. I've had people tell me that I need more self-esteem, more confidence in myself, and that's so hard when I have such a high standard to live up to that everyone else is giving. Sometimes, within strength, there needs to be weakness. I mean, hell, people see me as the smartest kid they know, whereas it's embarrassing that I'm actually failing classes. A lot of pressure is on me. So just know that sometimes, I'm just as normal as everyone else.

I'm extremely sensitive. Not something that's entirely easy to admit. Most guys are as solid as a rock and won't release any emotions. But see, I'm so emotional, I feel the need to repress a lot of it. I really care for everyone that I meet. The stone cold, bad ass guy that everyone knows isn't all like that. I mean, I know some people see this in me all the time, but really my compassion for all beings is so cultivating. One attitude can spread, and I want more people to feel the way that I do about everyone. Just know that about me.

I don't want to be ashamed about any of this. This is who I am. If it betters me as a person to let this go, to improve from this, then so be it. Honestly, I'm sort of in a dark place. I'm really trying to free myself from that. I think that starts with relinquishing all that I've been worried about.

Express yourself. Peace, love, happiness.

Lost and Found

My God, it's been a long time. If you can say that a terrible event and a wonderful event cancel out each other, then it would seem that nothing has happened between now and my last blog.

Things are different in an ever-changing world. The world keeps on moving, and we're forced to move with it. But I've been moving, whether I like it or not. I've had another revelation lately, something that helps keep me happy. Something I've been trying to find for a long time. It makes me laugh to think that only a few months ago I thought that love, intimacy that is, is what keeps happiness. But I've learned that whereas love is nice, it doesn't create happiness. Simply chasing after something that is always just an inch out of your reach. I've realized over this time that it's just not worth it. In the words of John Mayer, when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. You roll out of bed, and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe.

Haha, I've experienced that recently. I think I just need a break from that for a while.

I've been blinded by a lot of outside forces lately. I haven't been the same. That really disappoints me. I've become lost, not in everything else, but myself. A turning point for me to test my inner strength. Unfortunately, some days it's just been hard to wake up and face the day just because of how much sheer disappointment I've felt for the things I've done. I don't really know what has caused me to collapse under the pressure of what life has to give to me, but the fact of the matter is I think it's safe to say I've failed life's test.

However, for all things lost, something is newly found.

What have I found out of darkness? Not much. There's still a subtle hurt that I feel day to day. Something missing. But I've restored something that I've lacked for a while. Confidence. Not only in myself, but in all things good. Things that make me feel...warmth. Serenity. Finding solitude in everyday situations. I've had so much help from brilliant friends, the satisfaction of learning something new, things that seem to be overlooked. I'm not sure how to express what I feel lately. It's bittersweet, but less bitter than sweet, y'know?

I no longer have to be ashamed of what I lost, because what I've found is even greater.

Bound

I've returned to the bittersweet sensation of Loveland. Surely have returned alright.

Lately, I have questioned some of my own conflicts. The emotional tyranny that I put myself under is starting to eat away at my conscience, although nothing is wrong. It seems to be a paradox, that I am under a problematic situation where there is no problem. When the heart yearns for something that it so desperately wants, but the opposing forces of the mind hinder your emotion. Why feel when there is nothing to feel for?

Of course, I'm only rambling at this point.

I've been struggling with myself lately. All is calm and all is well, but I can't seem to escape my emotion. It binds me to the wall like a shackle. The trouble of wanting something that you cannot acquire. But yet, there are those who still pursue this unreachable objective. It seems reasonable that if I cannot successfully obtain what I want, I should simply stop trying; however, I still persist.

May I ask, why?

Why (and I'm speaking those who do this in general, not just myself) do those who want something that we cannot get, not give up? It's such an elementary thought, why can something so simple not be carried out? See, this is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night pounding my head against the wall. I don't understand, not even myself, why we simply cannot stop ourselves from this relentless emotion that is pouring out of our veins. If you want, why can you not receive? It's a mystery in itself, an endless paradox that cannot be solved.

Consider me on board.