Resolution

Wow. It's the end of the year.

This year has been one giant learning experience for myself. So many experiences that I will never forget, and this experience is coming to a conclusion tonight. It's time for change to work its magic once again, and bring in a new experience for us to live through once again. It's why we make new years resolutions, right? To change what we have learned within the year. That's the whole meaning of resolution. A conclusion. Resolving a conflict that we all have struggled with this whole year. 2011 has taught me many lessons, but yet there were a few instances I remember specifically this year that I would like to thank a few certain people for. These instances, I feel, really changed my life.

I'll try to keep it brief. That won't happen, though.

I learned this year that with tragedy always comes triumph. Heartbreak is an inevitable force of nature, and I learned this first hand from someone this year. This, possibly, was the hardest lesson to learn. During this time, I was in a pretty dark place. I thought there was no hope, really. But as I mentioned, with tragedy comes triumph. Through my disaster, I merely became stronger. Through the hurt and the pain, I sculpted a new me. Someone who was not hindered from tragedy, but rather elated into a new person. You probably know who you are. If you're reading this, thank you so much.

I learned this year that without true friends, there is no will to pursue life. Two people in particular I can thank for that this past year. I have learned to never give up because of these people, through the best of times and through the worst of times, they were here to pick me up and remind me how much I really do have. Many of my memories were crafted with my closest friends, and as I look back on this year, I don't know how I could have overcame any of the hardships I faced. You probably know who you are. If you're reading this, thank you so much.

I learned this year that life is only what you make of it, and I have one person to thank for that. The amount of knowledge I learned in a couple of hours, in what might have been one of the most heartfelt car rides I have ever experienced in my life, endless amounts of knowledge about what life truly has to offer for me. I saw a different side of this person. They really opened me up and told me how much potential I truly did have, and seeing as I looked up to them, it impacted me in ways unimaginable. I know that they are going through just as much as I am, but truly they are one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life. You probably know who you are. If you're reading this, thank you so much.

I learned this year that compassion comes with humbleness. This year, more than ever, one person taught me that the only thing you need to be accepted is to be humble in all that you do. I've never been an egotistical person, but this has taught me to reassess myself constantly to always be the best person that I can be, at all times. Through all you have done for me, it has made me a person that people generally like to be around. It increased my confidence. I can't tell you enough how much that means to me. You probably know who you are. If you're reading this, thank you so much.

I learned this year that sometimes belief in oneself is all you need to excel. There are a few I can thank, but at the moment, I will thank one. You gave me the strength to believe in who I was, even in the most dismal areas of my life. I never thought that I could be ranked with the likes of you, but yet I still had the spirit to pursue myself, digging deeper and deeper to find out what was truly inside me. I'm really glad that I met you. You've inspired me in many ways, and I hope that all works out well. You don't know who you are yet. I surely hope you do soon.

To everyone else, thank you for making this year one that will be cherished. Everyone that I have talked to this year has impacted me, in one way or another. I simply could not write enough to thank everyone individually. However, just know that YOU are acknowledged by me, right now, personally. Thank you again for all you have done for me.

Here's to a new year.

Magic

It's that time of year again.

The holiday season, for many a time of stress and a time of loathing. Believe it or not, there's several people who despise Christmas. So much to do, so little time to do it all in. However, I love the Christmas season, and I'll tell you why: it's the real meaning of Christmas. Personally, no, Christmas isn't a religious affiliation for me, and I know there'll be some people that argue "WELL CHRIST IS IN CHRISTMAS", shut up, Christmas isn't a time to argue.

You being associated with Christianity should know that.

Christmas, to me, is about family. It's about giving, not necessarily physically, but giving that feeling of kindness and mere good deeds. Sure, it's always a pursuit to do a good deed all the other days of the year, but something about Christmas turns the most heartless fool into a mindful citizen. That feeling that you get of safety and security, the smile on your face you just can't seem to explain. It's all within the spirit of Christmas.

Magic, if you will.

I love Christmas because of the magic that is present on every corner of life. You never know what will happen. Don't believe me? Story time. Especially in this year, financial hardships are striking a lot of families. Some people have to cut down on holiday lights. There might be a substantially smaller amount of presents under the tree. Perhaps, maybe you have no tree at all. A Christmas without a tree? Sad, yes. But sometimes you have to just deal with it.

Unless there's magic involved.

Sometimes, the family that is struggling enough can't make it by without the kindness of a stranger. The kindness from one person's heart that tells them "do the right thing." With that generosity, added with that Christmas magic, sometimes you just might be destined to have a Christmas tree. Because of a kind stranger who is willing to buy you one.

Yeah, that poor family? That was me.

 
And you say magic isn't real. I'd beg to differ.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for making my life worth living.

Older is Wiser

My week has been awesome. But something touched me today.

I walked into a McDonalds today, just minding my own business. Another day, just getting a water that I can hopefully sneak some soda into and a McDouble with the last dollar I had. It was just another day. However, I sat next to an older woman, around her mid 70's. She said hello to me, I said so too. She asked me if I went to school at Loveland, I said I did. We began to talk about school, about how most teens don't have much good to say about school. So we talked. And we talked and we talked and we talked. It was the kindness of talking to a complete stranger that made such an impact.

I was shocked in a sense. I had no idea who this woman was. And yet she trusted me as if I was her own. We began to talk about kindness. How kindness is something that we all can spread to make the world so much better, no matter what we have had to deal with. I mentioned a scenario with Ryan Kent (hope you're reading Ryan) and how that inspired me to dedicate my life to spreading kindness amongst everyone in my life. Karen (the woman's name) really valued that about me. She said I wasn't like most teens.

She's right.

As she was leaving, she came back in after trying to start her car. She ran out of gas. Speaking of kindness, I offered to take the gas container she had and take it to the King Soopers gas station a couple blocks away and fill it up to help her get home. Do you know how great it feels to help others in such great quantities at random? My God, it feels amazing. Just remember that one act of kindness can completely revelate someone's life.

Sounds cliche, but it's true.

Society's Cataract

Finally have some access to the internet in Pueblo. Had something on my mind that I wanted to share with everyone. An epiphany I've experienced.

It's said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This is very so true, in a sense. One could think that someone was the most beautiful individual they ever laid eyes on, while the person being regarded so highly can think of themselves as being the ugliest creature to ever show their face. It's all based on opinions, something we just oh so love as teenagers. So there leaves the question - what determines beauty? Yeah yeah yeah, this whole "perfect beauty formula" bullshit, that's fine and dandy, no, beauty isn't a science. Beauty is an emotion that we feel within the deep quandaries of our soul. Beauty is what defines our attraction and love towards one another.

However, I don't think anyone truly knows what beauty is. People make their own accounts of beauty, some agree with others, but no one truly knows. If they did, we wouldn't live in such a corrupt society that even imagines that being skinny to the point of near death is beautiful. Is it truly better to have lost at love then never to have loved at all if we don't even know the motive behind our attractions towards others?

This leads me to believe that when it comes to the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", we are all, as humans, blind.

One Last Run

So this is it.

All of the hard work, the effort, the blood, sweat, and tears shed has finally come to a magnificent conclusion. Never has the taste of second tasted so sweet. At State, we were not the winners in the eyes of the judges, but we were winners in the eyes of everyone in the audience that night. It was said many times that as long as you emotionally impacted one person in the audience, we have achieved our goals this season. In this sense, I know that we have reached achievement many, many, many times. Such an amazing season with such an emotional impact, and with such an enormous public reaction.

And it all came to a close.

I still have not yet come to terms with realizing that marching band is no longer a part of my everyday life. The Tuesday night rehearsals are gone. No more Crimson Regiment dismissals. It just seems that it all came to an abrupt halt. Although we still have the enjoyment of a concert band environment...it just doesn't seem to sum up to what marching band did to every individual in the Crimson Regiment. It's very upsetting, to me anyways, to think that these are some of the last days I will spend with some of the amazing seniors I had the honor of marching alongside this year. This year, I really felt like I had an emotional connection between everybody in the band. When I mentioned that I loved everyone, I truly meant that I loved everybody. There was not one person who didn't mean something to me.

The fact that the Gates will never rise again is a thought that truly saddens everyone in the band. What we would all do for one last run of this amazing show. Even though Air Academy has the blue ribbons, we have something they don't have: one of the most incredible family bonds that any group of people could ever feel for each other.

I'll never forget any of you.

No Witty Title

I want to keep this brief - inspirational if I can, and readable for David Carter. I mentioned you, aren't you ecstatic!

This month has been eye opening. I've learned that even when you are your own worst threat, you can come back and fight something that says you can't and come back with a vengeance and say "Hell yes I can." I have learned that there is no point in wanting something unless you act. Even if you are shy, or if you're afraid you won't get the desired outcome, you won't ever know unless you try. I've learned the true definition of the word "passion." To do something with so much pride, so much heart that there simply isn't a word fathomable to describe all that passion captures. All you can see is the emotional reaction of a tear-ridden boy who gave his all after realizing what he was capable of. Lastly, and definitely most importantly, you are nothing without your true friends and colleagues. You can deny it all you'd like, but there is no denying this: the company of a true friend is far more superior than any problem, any difficulty, any hardship, any object or concept imaginable ever experienced. I guarantee this to you. Sometimes this friendship can turn out to be all you've wanted. Possibly more.

Stay passionate.

Messages

Boy, things have been very interesting lately.

And here I sit, typing away, listening to the drunken ramblings of my dysfunctional family. That surely never gets old, especially when it's the fiftyith fucking time this week you've had to put up with it. I don't even know sometimes, I'll be honest. When people look at me, look at my life, ask me about everything, they will never understand what the hell goes on. Am I complaining? Of course I am. But I'm still conscious that there are many people who have worse lives than I. I find it rather disappointing. No one deserves to have to live like this. It's absolutely fucking ridiculous. Chained to the pole like a dog while you are mocked by the same passerbys every day. I swear, nobody understands that all of this stuff is a daily reality. There's never any time to catch a break, and when you do, you have to put on a straight face like everything is okay.

But enough of that.

Gosh, what can I say. I've had an interesting week. I love how everybody was so excited for homecoming. And for what? I honestly couldn't see why everyone was so excited. I really can't wait to hear everyone come back and say "wow, why did I waste my time on that." It doesn't annoy me, but I think it's pretty funny. I've learned a few lessons this week too. Another let down, another horrible mistake that I could have easily avoided. Yet again something so cherished and so dear that I can't have. Letting myself get the best of me once again. This is what I hate about myself. I'm my own worst enemy. Right when I think I can keep my composure, my thoughts cloud and I can't fucking come up with anything.

I really deserve it though.

What a pessimistic thought. But on the converse, how true a thought as well. I keep getting all of these signals, all of these messages that should clearly lead me to believe one thing. Yet, I ignore this and deliberately try to alter my fortune so that things go my way. Maybe, things aren't supposed to go my way. These messages are sealed with the kiss of death that ruins all that I have been working on. To pour my heart and soul into everything that I do, just to be returned with a complete bitch slap to the face. Maybe I should just lower my expectations for everything, so I don't have to be disappointed every time I try and attempt something that benefits me. I would certainly become much less important, and maybe that's what I need.

I really hate this place.

Portraits

So it's the end of August.

And what a wonderful August it has been. Full of suprises and twists and turns and spontanicity, it's been great to close out summer with a relaxing sigh of relief. Three months seem to breeze by like the warm summer days. If only the good times could last a little longer...if only, right? Now we are enslaved to the education system for a glorious 9 months. Isn't there something that says things like this are illegal? It doesn't matter anyways, more than likely we'd still be under the control of school. Y'know, towards the end of summer, I was actually looking forward to all of this. But being in all of these classes, I was quickly reminded how much school utterly exhausts you, with all of the bullshit and what not that you encounter around every corner.

Just a few more years...

Don't you hate the sensation when you can't have something you desperately want? Lately, that seems to be all that I've been encountering. Running into a disappointing conclusion and mistaking it for a bright opportunity. I really have no reason to blame anyone or anything but myself for any of this. Judgement is a key part of anyone's life, and with misjudgement comes an inevitable punishment. I often wonder to myself, why do I dream big in the first place? What's the purpose of even wanting something? Dreams are nothing more than goals specifically designed to fail and further let you down of any further opportunity. Life has so many events that are just waiting to go wrong.

It's no suprise that we'll all let down in the end.

I heard a remark about a gallery. How that the portraits in the gallery were so torn and tattered, and that they were broken beyond levels of repair. Of course, this isn't a literal meaning, we were refering to the inner body and how there just seems to be a large amount of tragedy, like a faded painting. The frames are bent, and the environment is run down. That's just how things feel right now, empty and deserted. As if there is no hope for the future. But I also brought up that in that gallery, it only takes one exquisite piece of art to renew life to what was once thought to be hopeless. One brilliant portrait attracts new people, and that influences new beautiful pieces of art, and soon this gallery becomes beautiful again. A masterpiece.

What I would to for a Starry Night.

Industrial Development

It has been a rather long gap between my last blog post. Things have been very hectic lately, but it has been a very peaceful hectic at that. Organized chaos, if you will. However, a lot has been on my mind during my short hiatus. My patience has been tested to a point where even I'm not sure how I've overcome some of the things that are happening at this point. Strength seems to be spawning out of newly made crevices. But regardless, I have had so much on my mind.

One thing that hasn't changed.

For once, I'm completely content with the way things are going, which is ironic because this is probably one of the lowest points I can be at in my life. There's been some really hard financial troubles in my family, relationships that are becoming distilled, the stress of school coming soon...there's just too many things to list, really. But I've really been taking life in a different perspective lately. All of the positives that outweigh the despair, it's the light that rays through the openings in the black clouds just before the rain. It's a beautiful thing to see. I mean, I've been living on a day to day basis, and I've been learning to just live life. There's so many things to live for, and I've experienced that this week definitely. It's the most amazing feeling to overcome the things in life you thought were never possible and have a rewarding outcome. It took me a while to realize you just have to live life while you can.

Life is too short. It really is.

I know for a fact that we take that for granted. I've sat down and thought about this, I thought about it for a really long time. We all expect something from our lives, like we're living this life because we have to. We automatically assume that our life will be full, we wait for everything to come together just the way we want it to. I've experienced that feeling first hand. It's unfortunate, really. Life seems to just consume us all in this heavy greed. There isn't any time to open our eyes and realize that the sun has risen today, but instead we lust for the sunset that is in the coming years. Beauty in life quickly has seemed to fade away, replaced with the desire to make something out of life that we may never achieve.

Sometimes I forget why we even try.

It seems like all of the opportunity we want and spend our entire lives trying to make plagues not only our lives, but anyone who experiences that with you. Our lives are like the beautiful forest, abundant with green grass and vast meadows. Sacred, to a point. Not many people see the beauty that lies between the glistening leaves and the whispering winds. No, people see opportunity only. So we develop over this paradise, and we form ideas and buildings and industry that plow over the forest. There is nothing we can do but watch as the tyranny and greed of humanity plows over life. Nothing but pollution and waste lies where life once spawned freely.

Life certainly is a complicated thing.

The Infinate Road

It's been a pretty eye-opening week as usual. Life's unpredictable path has yet again seemed to derail me from my pursuit. Sometimes I wish I could just keep my eyes shut and not have to look at all of the negativity the world spreads. Deceit from those you thought you could trust most. I suppose that's more my fault for allowing them to do so. A tough week, most definitely. Then again, it's not really something I'm not used to. It seems as if every week is a bad week, as if every day seems to drag on like someone is pulling life by the hair and dragging it alongside the road.

But I don't want to end July on a bad note.

Besides some of the hard hits I've taken all week, I've been pretty observant of the world around me once more. Happiness that seems to spawn from the darkest places. Happiness that spreads like a virus. I'm not really sure how I could possibly describe something that appears so abstract, but I certainly have experienced quite a few scenarios. There's just those occasional moments that blossom out of nothing, a nod to a passing stranger, a conversation with someone you don't even know, the smile of a pretty girl that fills your heart with joy, and you don't even know her name, let alone will ever see her again. What brings so much joy from such mondane tasks? Simplicity is what makes life so sweet. The freedom to know that you can just walk and keep walking down the road that never ends. One of the greatest feelings you could ever feel is that of not knowing where you are going, but consciously knowing where you never have to back to.

I'd know from recent experience.

And what lies beyond the infinite road? No one can say for sure. The endless path is that which we individually choose to follow. Do we follow it for a purpose? Or rather is the infinite road one that we follow to escape, never to be found again? There isn't really a right or a wrong answer. Whereas the infinite road may be metaphorical, we all have a road that we travel down, looking for something. I don't think we'll ever truly find that one thing we're destined to discover. Even if we do, we might pass it by. It's that subtle, that mysterious of an item that we might even be passing by what we search for as we speak. Remember that the next time you pass by the stranger on the street without smiling.

Spread the word.

The Fountain of Youth

I finally reconnected with the world after a near 2-month hiatus from the internet. I've been absolutely thrilled to blog again. It's like reconnecting with a long-lost friend. My pursuit for the meaning of life has taken a dramatic detour since I returned to this wasteland of a home. I've almost completely forgotten the whole reason that I even made this blog. Lately, I've been reconnecting myself with all of the things that make life so luxurious. It's been difficult without support. Definitely I have caused some heartbreak that didn't need to be inflicted. But I've been going through life. I feel my spirit healing once more. Life is becoming more and more beautiful as I begin to open my eyes to the world again.

I've had my share of epiphanies though.

As I have gotten back to my house (and I refer to my place of residence as my house, this house will never be a home to me), I have been thrown the overwhelming responsibility to step out of my adolescence and become an adult. Simple childhood memories I used to have can no longer be experienced as a 15 year old. Most notably, I've been watching an old cartoon that I used to enjoy lately. My stepdad caught me watching it, and he immediately told me I couldn't watch that. That I needed to mature, and that started with leaving behind cartoons.

I'll never understand.

There are so many responsibilities that are placed with growing up. Becoming an adult means work, work, work. It seems as if the cut off date for childhood is becoming younger and younger. I never would have imagined getting a job at the age that I am. The most disappointing aspect is that my parents are expecting and even demanding that I become an adult. By rebeling, I am only delaying the inevitable. I've seen so many people start to grow up, and it makes me uneasy to know that I'm gonna be next sooner or later. I thought recently that my high school years are creeping up on me fast. I'm already a sophomore. Only two more short years. I'm not ready to leave the safety of youth. As an adult, you're on your own. There is no help. The dependence you once had quickly becomes independence, and you no longer have anyone to lean on.

It's a terrifying thought.

However, I've heard of a thing called the Fountain of Youth. It's all something that we stride for, something that we all lust over. A child represents something more than that which can be put into words. A child represents all of the freedom in the world, the smile of that child that fills the hearts of many with eternal joy and happiness. Children represent all that is pure and wholesome. Something about adolescence just seems so innocent. But about the smile of an adult? There is no happiness. No emotion, in fact. It shows power. Greed. The destruction of nations fell under the hands of one that has no idea what they are doing. Maybe adults are more childish than children. Maybe adults are the ones who need to mature.

Maybe the Fountain of Youth has dried up.

The Man at the Door

I got called a philosopher yesterday from someone who reads my blogs. They said that I seem to look at all of the smallest details in life that seem to get overlooked. I feel that philosopher is a little much. More or less, just someone who wants to learn more about life. A journey, if you will, to find what life means, to get more of a clear understanding. I told them I'd be more of a Buddhist than a philosopher.

I've been exploring other's blogs this week. I found that a lot of people who blog dedicate everything to their religion, more specifically Christianity. I read blog after blog, bible verse after bible verse, and it honestly started to irritate me. Religion just doesn't seem like a legitimate reason to start a blog. I really felt tempted to post about my religion on my blog (let's just say it's far from Christianity), but refrained. I won't fall in to what everybody else thinks is cool. I'm not like that.

My life has drastically become more enjoyable in the past week. I read a quote from a friend of mine, and I felt it was on topic enough to share with you: "Fun is happiness. Nothing should ever be sadness and negativity." Personally, I think that goes along with my pursuit of the meaning of life. Fun. I experienced all of this first hand. Having people that care so much about you surround you and just to have an incredible time. Life has its ups and downs. You can never tell what way life is going to tell you to go. People say that you have the ability to control your life.

I find that statement unrealistic.

If we could control life, I'm sure that an incredible number of us wouldn't be in the position we were in. We wouldn't choose to lose certain people in our life, we wouldn't choose to be in a low-income portion of society, we wouldn't have people living in the streets impoverned and hungry and without a mother or a father. Life is as uncontrolable as the raging sea. No matter how much you fight the current, you will eventually be pulled in whatever direction the sea has planned for you. I wish it were different.

That's besides the point.

I learned other things, too, that I once thought to be impossible. Long ago, in a time of grave hardship, I had a dear friend of mine tell me these words that I still live by today: "When one door closes in life, another one opens." Lately, I have been experiencing that in full force. So many opportunities have been knocking at my door, and I've been answering. This is a gamble though. Not everything that comes through the door will aide us in our oddessy through life.

When we answer the door, a bright and happy man comes to the front step, dressed in fancy clothing and wearing a brilliant smile. We trust this man, even allow him into our own residence. This man can definitely be who he claims to be. His promises of fortune and wealth can follow through, impacting us in such a unfathomable way. At the same time, this man can wear a smile of lies. He could be after us, to decieve us and to take everything away from us. Our fortune. Our prosperity. Our happiness. Even our life at times. In this sense, sometimes the man at the door comes to us with a promise, and leaves us for dead. With nothing.

Maybe I'm too trusting.

Food For Thought

I've been thinking heavily about my last blog post. How happiness makes life beautiful, all about the beauty of life and what causes life to be seen as beautiful, as many see it. Unfortunately, I have witnessed many flaws in happiness being the beauty of life. In fact, the happiness that we spread amongst each other like a plague is the same force that drives many people into their own sadness. It's highly ironic. But it exists.

Human nature perplexes me.

The way we view life has several different vantage points, there is no one person that sees the world the same as another. Our minds just don't work the same way. We are all the same anatomy when it comes to the brain, but the contents of the brain are all so very unique. I picture the mind like a book. Every book ever made consists of the same materials: pages, a cover, and events within that tell the story of who we are. We all have our own books with our own stories. However, the books themselves are significantly different. Some are childrens books, others are Dan Brown novels that seem to have no end (or point, speaking of Dan Brown novels). The contents of one book might be of all of the incredible accomplishments that one has overcome, and others might contain the tragic tale of childhood and how loathsome the world is. Some books have damage to the cover, or some pages are ripped out.No one book is alike.

Anyways, I digress.

It seems that I share the similar story with a couple people. It seems that one's happiness affects me deeply. There's something so painful in losing someone, knowing that they are in a better place. A better situation. Away from everything we have to dwell with. Although comforting at times, those lingering memories break the foundations of the strongest buildings. Lately, I've been experiencing quite a bit of tragedy in my life. Suprise? Not to some. Seeing a lot of those memories around my life has been gradually strangling me, choking me under my own will. I've been lost for quite a while.

Yet, lately, I haven't been able to find those pages that tell the particular chapter of my tragedies. There is only empty space now from where the pages have been ripped out of their place. Now there is only a gap in my book.

I'm quite content with that.

Since those pages have been missing, I have been re-writing my whole entire book. My story is no longer that of tragedies. I can now say what I have accomplished, what I have gone through, and how I am drasticly different now than I was at that point in time. It's one of the greatest feelings you could ever feel. However, people are beginning to read my story. Now they seem to be traveling down the same road I was not too long ago.

I really wish people wouldn't follow my footsteps sometimes.

Just a thought.

Catch 22

Defenition of a Catch 22: an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual receives two or more conflicting messages, in which one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will be automatically wrong regardless of response.

For example, my life is a Catch 22.

The story of my life is quite the interesting tale indeed. But hey, enough about that. Welcome to my blog, and most importantly, welcome to my mind. Every quandry of my mind is delved into in these blogs that I will write in the coming future. It's a chaotic place, and I can almost guarentee very little of it will make sense, some of it will make sense to others, and some of it will only make sense to me. But regardless, it should be something quite interesting. The only thing is, where do I begin.

A first blog post usually consists of "Hi, I'm (this person), (a whole bunch of bullshit about the person that no one cares about), thanks for reading my blog! :)". Yeah, not my forte, especially to everyone who knows me. Rather, I'd like to elaborate on some of the things that I've been thinking lately. There's a lot I've been observing that I think is really...fascinating, if that encompasses what I am trying to elaborate on. We'll see.

Lately, I've been looking for true beauty in life. What really...makes life beautiful. Every single person I ask produces a different result. Through my personal experiences, I have heard that nature makes life beautiful, that other people make life beautiful, that life even has no beauty at all. I have yet to find a concrete answer for my question. But yesterday, I think I might have found my answer.

I was riding as a passenger in a car, and at a traffic light I noticed something that really spoke to me. Two young girls (I'm assuming twins, both around 7 or 8) were walking with their mom on the sidewalk. I saw them smiling, and laughing, and the mother was so engaged in her children, the honest look in her eye really told me without words how much she has invested in her children. The two young girls showed how much the mother had done for her, and there was true happiness. All in the 18 seconds that I was at a traffic light.

This made me think for the rest of the car ride...what made that group so beautiful to look at? It makes me think of childhood memories. Everything that we feel as children. A nostalgic feeling, almost. I'm starting to believe that the beauty of life is happiness. Unity. But what brings us to find happiness? What spawns happiness? A simple question with an impossible answer. To be happy, you have to find something you enjoy. But to enjoy something, you have to be happy about it. Where does the happiness come from? A Catch 22.

Think about it.