I had an invigorating conversation this week.
The subject was time. Ah, time, what a fantastic philosophical subject to delve into. I felt right at home discussing with a, intellectual (mind you), class of my peers the subject of time. Hearing the opinions that everyone gave based upon the interpretation of such a broad term did just so, broadening a topic that is all but concrete. But truly, is anyone right about time? By this I mean will humanity ever be able to capacitate the infinite spectrum time encompasses? In fact, is it plausible to define time as another measurement of time: infinite? It is not this, however, that I intend to crack. The tremendous mystery of such a marvelous concept always and forever will be over the heads of not only myself, but by humanity in its entirety, despite the discoveries which continue to be made. Time is never meant to be discovered. It is a supernatural force that is only relative to the position we fixate it upon. I merely come to ponder how we spend our time.
On those merits, we are all in a deficit.
Humanity is in irreconcilable debt to time. Our perception is clouded with the false implication that time is plentiful. We have so much time to live out the dreams and fantasies, the human expectation that tomorrow is a guarantee. Yet, it is a cliche to suggest that each day should be lived like it is our last day. Yeah yeah yeah, I've heard it all before, and that's not the way to live life either, especially in the way that this statement is being interpreted. Living like it is our last day constitutes others to act reckless, without any concern or care of what consequences may be confined after the fact. This is the absolutely wrong approach to take life in. On the contrary, those who feel that everything will be done later are also subject to similar objectivity. We will do our chores later. We will find our calling tomorrow. We will change the world eventually.
Why limit yourself?
Act right now. It is true, tomorrow is never a guarantee. Only a fool finds this as motive to carry out acts of selfishness and anarchy. Do you know what I try to do every single day? Make at least one person smile. That way, if today is truly the last day, the fate that the hands of time have decided for myself, I am known for the simple action of a smile. Time will, assumingly, always be present. We, on the other hand, will not. The hands of time are always pursuing us until we slow down just enough to be caught, like an eternal game of tag. But should we live in fear of capture? Surely not. Instead, celebrate the gift of another second to breathe in the air for another time. It makes me wonder what humanity would be capable of if we did not rely on the future as we do now. A generation of laters...what about a generation of doers? Initiating the very first step to appreciating the full sentiments of life.
It's got to start somewhere, y'know.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Onward
This is going to be a very personal blog.
I'm finally 17. It really doesn't feel any different. Heck, I have slipped up and said I was 16 a couple times afterward. But since I've become older, I have certainly observed my current situation. Where I am going now, and where I will go onward into the future. I mentioned last week that I had one person in particular to thank for sculpting me into the young man I am today, and who will hopefully continue to mold me into an image of something that I can be proud of.
But then I realized something.
I can't just thank one person. I have to thank another. They're both family. And really, it's unfair to say that I can only thank 2 people in my family for impacting me so much. I want it to be known that every single one of my family members I love dearly, but I just feel the need to have to thank two people in particular. They've just...done so much for me. Sometimes I don't feel like I credit them enough for how much they've contributed, when really I am eternally in debt to them for being a part of my family. It's just something I feel compelled to do.
So, here goes.
Marcus, thank you so much for being my cousin. Like, really. Thank you. We don't really have too many heart to hearts or anything, but let this be the heart to heart if there ever needed to be an introduction to needing one. It's a shame to even call you a cousin. You're a brother to me. You've been with me for nearly 13 years of my life. Although age may separate us, I've always seen you as an equal. You've included me into everything you do, through good and through bad. Really, you've been a role model to me. We've been through many of the same difficulties, and it's been surreal to see us both transform as time goes on. You aren't the same Marcus you used to be, and perhaps that is for the better. You're off to college, you're learning how to drive, you're an adult. That one's really hard to swallow, because that means that I am next in line. It's a scary thought, that our adolescence is over. We're becoming more and more responsible for the big wide world that was once our playground as kids. I never want to have to leave the protection of childhood. Especially not without you. I have asked you of so much lately, and you have been there to hold me up. I know you have a lot of the same issues, and I wish that you didn't have to experience them. Neither of us should. It's an awful fate. But I know that all of this has made us both stronger. It hurts so much not being able to see you all the time, and even the times I see you I perhaps take for granted. You will always and forever be there with me. At least, I hope. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Thanks.
Lastly, but surely not least, probably the most I ever owe to any human being on this planet. Perhaps, they morph themselves into one collective being. At least that's what it seems like. Both have done just as much for me as anyone else has. My grandparents, particularly my grandmother, should truly be credited to turning me into what I would hope would be a respectable young man. Everything I do I try to do with the best intentions of both of you. It's a gift and a curse to try and do that. I let myself down a lot, and I feel like I do the same when I fall short of a goal. I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you or taken advantage of you or haven't been good enough for you guys. Ever. You guys have taken me in as if I were your own child, and I'm still feeling the repercussions of that. The shockwave effect that you both have played in my life has gone for miles and miles, and will eternally continue. Grandma, especially, thank you for supporting all I do. Thanks for accepting me as a band geek, thanks for accepting me as an outsider in terms of my religious beliefs, thanks for accepting me in every blog that I have ever posted, thanks for accepting me for being what I want to be most: myself. I don't get that from a lot of people. No one else, really. Just you guys. You both provide for me a love which I can always feel in my darkest times and in my brightest. It hurts to think that someday I will not have you guys there by my side. Not being able to see where I may go in life. Perhaps not there to see great grandchildren that I will do my best to model with the love and compassion you have given to me. Just know that for as long as I am alive, I will do my best to attempt to give back to you what you have given to me. Perhaps that will take me my entire life. We'll see.
I just really can't thank you guys enough. Really. I love you both, and a blog post just isn't enough to tell you that. Thank you both for being in my life.
I'm finally 17. It really doesn't feel any different. Heck, I have slipped up and said I was 16 a couple times afterward. But since I've become older, I have certainly observed my current situation. Where I am going now, and where I will go onward into the future. I mentioned last week that I had one person in particular to thank for sculpting me into the young man I am today, and who will hopefully continue to mold me into an image of something that I can be proud of.
But then I realized something.
I can't just thank one person. I have to thank another. They're both family. And really, it's unfair to say that I can only thank 2 people in my family for impacting me so much. I want it to be known that every single one of my family members I love dearly, but I just feel the need to have to thank two people in particular. They've just...done so much for me. Sometimes I don't feel like I credit them enough for how much they've contributed, when really I am eternally in debt to them for being a part of my family. It's just something I feel compelled to do.
So, here goes.
Marcus, thank you so much for being my cousin. Like, really. Thank you. We don't really have too many heart to hearts or anything, but let this be the heart to heart if there ever needed to be an introduction to needing one. It's a shame to even call you a cousin. You're a brother to me. You've been with me for nearly 13 years of my life. Although age may separate us, I've always seen you as an equal. You've included me into everything you do, through good and through bad. Really, you've been a role model to me. We've been through many of the same difficulties, and it's been surreal to see us both transform as time goes on. You aren't the same Marcus you used to be, and perhaps that is for the better. You're off to college, you're learning how to drive, you're an adult. That one's really hard to swallow, because that means that I am next in line. It's a scary thought, that our adolescence is over. We're becoming more and more responsible for the big wide world that was once our playground as kids. I never want to have to leave the protection of childhood. Especially not without you. I have asked you of so much lately, and you have been there to hold me up. I know you have a lot of the same issues, and I wish that you didn't have to experience them. Neither of us should. It's an awful fate. But I know that all of this has made us both stronger. It hurts so much not being able to see you all the time, and even the times I see you I perhaps take for granted. You will always and forever be there with me. At least, I hope. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Thanks.
Lastly, but surely not least, probably the most I ever owe to any human being on this planet. Perhaps, they morph themselves into one collective being. At least that's what it seems like. Both have done just as much for me as anyone else has. My grandparents, particularly my grandmother, should truly be credited to turning me into what I would hope would be a respectable young man. Everything I do I try to do with the best intentions of both of you. It's a gift and a curse to try and do that. I let myself down a lot, and I feel like I do the same when I fall short of a goal. I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you or taken advantage of you or haven't been good enough for you guys. Ever. You guys have taken me in as if I were your own child, and I'm still feeling the repercussions of that. The shockwave effect that you both have played in my life has gone for miles and miles, and will eternally continue. Grandma, especially, thank you for supporting all I do. Thanks for accepting me as a band geek, thanks for accepting me as an outsider in terms of my religious beliefs, thanks for accepting me in every blog that I have ever posted, thanks for accepting me for being what I want to be most: myself. I don't get that from a lot of people. No one else, really. Just you guys. You both provide for me a love which I can always feel in my darkest times and in my brightest. It hurts to think that someday I will not have you guys there by my side. Not being able to see where I may go in life. Perhaps not there to see great grandchildren that I will do my best to model with the love and compassion you have given to me. Just know that for as long as I am alive, I will do my best to attempt to give back to you what you have given to me. Perhaps that will take me my entire life. We'll see.
I just really can't thank you guys enough. Really. I love you both, and a blog post just isn't enough to tell you that. Thank you both for being in my life.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Selfless Promotion
Hello my readers!
This blog is not about me. This blog really isn't that serious in general. It's not even a Sunday! This certainly won't be a lengthly blog either, but I simply wanted to help out a good friend of mine who I feel deserves the utmost praise and respect, being a good friend of mine for a couple years now.
My friend Zach.
Zach has just started a brand new blog! It's always great to help promote friends of mine, and I figure perfect strangers have promoted me without me even knowing. So hey, I suppose I can return the favor, right? Zach's blog features his trademark humor that those acquainted with him know very well. A less serious approach than Catch 22, Zach observes some of the humorous and perhaps shameful things we see in our own lives and makes them into something we can all get a laugh about. This beautiful man is more than funny, he's a very deserving person and I would like to help him get out there.
So help him out!
Zach's blog, Ramblings from a Fat Kid, has just embarked on a wonderful journey. Give it a read, give it a shout out, make him a household name! His blog will also be on the side bar on the right under my favorite blogs. Perhaps if someone starts her blog again (you know who you are), I can add the count to two! But for now, Zach remains at the top of my favorites.
My blog resumes Sunday as always!
This blog is not about me. This blog really isn't that serious in general. It's not even a Sunday! This certainly won't be a lengthly blog either, but I simply wanted to help out a good friend of mine who I feel deserves the utmost praise and respect, being a good friend of mine for a couple years now.
My friend Zach.
Zach has just started a brand new blog! It's always great to help promote friends of mine, and I figure perfect strangers have promoted me without me even knowing. So hey, I suppose I can return the favor, right? Zach's blog features his trademark humor that those acquainted with him know very well. A less serious approach than Catch 22, Zach observes some of the humorous and perhaps shameful things we see in our own lives and makes them into something we can all get a laugh about. This beautiful man is more than funny, he's a very deserving person and I would like to help him get out there.
So help him out!
Zach's blog, Ramblings from a Fat Kid, has just embarked on a wonderful journey. Give it a read, give it a shout out, make him a household name! His blog will also be on the side bar on the right under my favorite blogs. Perhaps if someone starts her blog again (you know who you are), I can add the count to two! But for now, Zach remains at the top of my favorites.
My blog resumes Sunday as always!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Seventeen
So it's my birthday tomorrow.
Ever since I was 10 years old, I have always made it a ritual to do something awesome the day before my birthday. Something as more of a parting to another year of life and a transition into bigger and better things moving on into maturity. I started by pulling my first all-nighter at 10 years old, and here I am about to be 17. I had a hard time thinking about what to do this year, really there's only so much you can do. I thought and I thought, and then I finally decided to do exactly what I had been doing that entire time. For the big event this year, I decided to recall how his entire year has been for me. A year is quite a bit of time, allowing for so much to happen. There's been a balance of positive and negative, and really the sweet 16 has been less sweet more tame. But now that I think about it further in depth, I have nothing to be upset about.
It's going to be a fresh start.
I began what is considered the start of my true teenage adolescence in a bit of a slum. Things were hard, honestly. I didn't think much of the new start. However, I was lucky enough to be able to hold on going into the future to begin the most memorable summer of my life. I'm absolutely grateful to have some of the greatest friends in the entire world to share some of the best memories I have to share, and still enjoy reminiscing to this day. That summer simply invigorated all of my creativity and desire for freedom and harnessed all of that energy into the fantastic time I had during that time. Band was amazing as always, meeting new people and being able to again share more experiences with great people, especially my current band director Mr. Freesen. He's completely invested into his students, and that spoke wonders to me in welcoming me to a new year.
Then school started.
Junior year caught me in a rut. I bit off a lot more then I could chew. This led me to slip a bit in my performance, which upsets me. I know my potential, and it makes me angry with myself that I haven't met it. School did introduce me to one person who has played a super important role in my life - my girlfriend. Whether I've shown it too much or not enough, she really has helped me through the entirety of this journey. I'm not often too public with my relationships, but she deserves more than I can credit her for. She's cared for me in the lowest of my times, she's been spectacular in all that she does. We've gone through some rough times, but what relationship doesn't? She's been one of the most important people to be in this last year. I'm so glad to have her. I really hope you know that, dear! There's another person I really have to credit also, now that I think about it. Not just for this last year, but for my entire life.
That's for next time though.
Ever since I was 10 years old, I have always made it a ritual to do something awesome the day before my birthday. Something as more of a parting to another year of life and a transition into bigger and better things moving on into maturity. I started by pulling my first all-nighter at 10 years old, and here I am about to be 17. I had a hard time thinking about what to do this year, really there's only so much you can do. I thought and I thought, and then I finally decided to do exactly what I had been doing that entire time. For the big event this year, I decided to recall how his entire year has been for me. A year is quite a bit of time, allowing for so much to happen. There's been a balance of positive and negative, and really the sweet 16 has been less sweet more tame. But now that I think about it further in depth, I have nothing to be upset about.
It's going to be a fresh start.
I began what is considered the start of my true teenage adolescence in a bit of a slum. Things were hard, honestly. I didn't think much of the new start. However, I was lucky enough to be able to hold on going into the future to begin the most memorable summer of my life. I'm absolutely grateful to have some of the greatest friends in the entire world to share some of the best memories I have to share, and still enjoy reminiscing to this day. That summer simply invigorated all of my creativity and desire for freedom and harnessed all of that energy into the fantastic time I had during that time. Band was amazing as always, meeting new people and being able to again share more experiences with great people, especially my current band director Mr. Freesen. He's completely invested into his students, and that spoke wonders to me in welcoming me to a new year.
Then school started.
Junior year caught me in a rut. I bit off a lot more then I could chew. This led me to slip a bit in my performance, which upsets me. I know my potential, and it makes me angry with myself that I haven't met it. School did introduce me to one person who has played a super important role in my life - my girlfriend. Whether I've shown it too much or not enough, she really has helped me through the entirety of this journey. I'm not often too public with my relationships, but she deserves more than I can credit her for. She's cared for me in the lowest of my times, she's been spectacular in all that she does. We've gone through some rough times, but what relationship doesn't? She's been one of the most important people to be in this last year. I'm so glad to have her. I really hope you know that, dear! There's another person I really have to credit also, now that I think about it. Not just for this last year, but for my entire life.
That's for next time though.
Sunday, April 07, 2013
Target Acquired
What a fantastic spring break.
After an entire week of spending time with the people I love, I am sad to say I am finally back home. It's hard to tell where my home truly is after being in such a place like Florida. Being there brought back a childish and nostalgic feeling that I haven't felt in a long time, except I was with the only people I would ever want to be with. New memories were made that I will always cherish and never forget. I left nearly as much in Florida as it did with me, just such a new found perspective of the country and further exciting my desire to travel in the future. Disney was pretty much all I expected - over hyped and over priced - but all that aside, I really had a fantastic experience in the park. The magic of teenage angst was in the air and we were all breathing it in. It felt like nothing could bring us down.
Well, it's all over now.
Back on to the radar. Back to the same, regular lifestyle. It feels as if all the memories and freedom from Florida have all been stripped away. We've all simply been dropped back into life, right back into the same position we were right before this journey. Except this time, there is no escape. There are no means of fleeing the everyday troubles we all encounter. Just tomorrow, we will be thrown back into school to stress us out even more as we become painfully closer and closer to the end of the year. A time, frankly, I am agonizingly waiting for. It hit me hard yesterday knowing that the big pinnacle of the year for me, the trip, was now done and over with. Even now, I'm still in denial. I just can't believe that all of the problems, the sadness, the loneliness, the stress that was waiting for me back here has finally caught up with me. I feel no different than before I left.
I've become the target once more.
I made the analogy of the radar last week. How strong my desire was to just drop off the radar and live anonymously with people I love and would do anything for to adventure amongst the world with no limits nor bounds. Florida has made me realize that I want that feeling more than ever. In fact, Florida may have even made me feel worse. Such a perfect place like Florida made me realize all that is beyond this world, all I have left to discover in my journey though life. Yet, I am confined to my own little city to face issues that are simply monumental. It's a terrible feeling, to be back on the radar. I have now become a target. A target to everything that had lost track of me during my spring break, but is now coming full speed to attack me again.
I just want to get out of here.
After an entire week of spending time with the people I love, I am sad to say I am finally back home. It's hard to tell where my home truly is after being in such a place like Florida. Being there brought back a childish and nostalgic feeling that I haven't felt in a long time, except I was with the only people I would ever want to be with. New memories were made that I will always cherish and never forget. I left nearly as much in Florida as it did with me, just such a new found perspective of the country and further exciting my desire to travel in the future. Disney was pretty much all I expected - over hyped and over priced - but all that aside, I really had a fantastic experience in the park. The magic of teenage angst was in the air and we were all breathing it in. It felt like nothing could bring us down.
Well, it's all over now.
Back on to the radar. Back to the same, regular lifestyle. It feels as if all the memories and freedom from Florida have all been stripped away. We've all simply been dropped back into life, right back into the same position we were right before this journey. Except this time, there is no escape. There are no means of fleeing the everyday troubles we all encounter. Just tomorrow, we will be thrown back into school to stress us out even more as we become painfully closer and closer to the end of the year. A time, frankly, I am agonizingly waiting for. It hit me hard yesterday knowing that the big pinnacle of the year for me, the trip, was now done and over with. Even now, I'm still in denial. I just can't believe that all of the problems, the sadness, the loneliness, the stress that was waiting for me back here has finally caught up with me. I feel no different than before I left.
I've become the target once more.
I made the analogy of the radar last week. How strong my desire was to just drop off the radar and live anonymously with people I love and would do anything for to adventure amongst the world with no limits nor bounds. Florida has made me realize that I want that feeling more than ever. In fact, Florida may have even made me feel worse. Such a perfect place like Florida made me realize all that is beyond this world, all I have left to discover in my journey though life. Yet, I am confined to my own little city to face issues that are simply monumental. It's a terrible feeling, to be back on the radar. I have now become a target. A target to everything that had lost track of me during my spring break, but is now coming full speed to attack me again.
I just want to get out of here.
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