Us Against the World

I can't really sleep and I felt inspired.

Have you ever took a moment to step back and reflect how minuscule you are in a universe that is simply unfathomable to the mortal conscious? It's really this sort of stuff that keeps me up in the middle of the night and just makes me...think. Even making the analogy to a puzzle piece isn't good enough to express the mass quantities that make up everything. It just really makes you stop and realize...it's you against the world.

The thing is, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just because you're defined as against the world doesn't mean that you have to run against the grain. Against the world can mean that you may utilize all that the world has to offer. Rather than cower at the tremendous offerings, one takes that and makes the world everything that THEY want it to be. Possibly, I have achieved that recently to the fullest extent. That ability to say that I have control of the wheel in the car that coasts and sometimes careens down the road of life in the drivers seat rather than the passenger.

For example, I had someone I work with tell me something very uplifting tonight. They told me "Joe, you did an excellent job working tonight and did a great job communicating with others." Well, shit. What do I say to that? Not only was this mentioned, but the topic also came up that this leadership "could be exemplified in future jobs, my career, my life in general when it comes to that point."

...what does that even have to do with the concept earlier? XD

I don't really know. I'm tired, it's late, I'm just in a really great mood. That's not necessarily something that I can say too often. Is my current situation in life ideal? By no means. But what I have come to terms with is that self-acceptance, and that what other people express shouldn't influence my behavior towards anything. I actually talked to a good friend of mine about that recently, and I hope they're reading just to see how long of a ways that can take you.

I'm not sure how to end this blog. End it the way that you would like to.

Chasing the Sunset

There's nothing more beautiful than a Sunday sunset.

I spent my last weekend on a mission - a mission to view the sunset just as it retired between the snow-capped mountains. It certainly was a success, if I do say so myself. A wonderful night with some awesome friends.

Hm. Lots of stuff has been going on.

And yet, I still persist to focus on the smaller things that I have. Like a sunset. Time with friends. A pretty picture. Whatever it is. I've had some really deep conversations since I last blogged, and I suppose you could say things haven't really gotten better by any extent. TCAPs have worn me out, so many projects, grades that I just can't keep up with, I'm getting buried in my own grave. But y'know what? I've realized that there are so many things to look forward to past all of this. It's such a relieving feeling...to be free of all that binds us. All of our flaws, our problems, we can just...let it go.

Letting go. That sounds familiar.

Similar to my events on Sunday. Chasing the sunset. Finding closure to something that burns so passionately, yet not something that is necessarily a good thing. I've been hurting so much, so dreadfully much these last couple of weeks (couple? I've lost count.) But the thing is, I have such great people like Mark and Mikey (hope you're reading guys) that really trudge me through the worst of times. I've been figuratively chasing the sunset all these days, desperately trying to see something that has been so hurtful finally, gracefully come to a close. But unfortunately, the sun has been blaring hot these last weeks. It's noon in my progression of closure, full swing and not letting down. But you know what?

Let it be.

I've learned something today, this last week, that has given me strength to keep on going. You just have to realize what you have. The small things. What do I have? Well, the thing is, I don't have much. Not now. But I've come to terms with that, I've acquired wisdom through my realization. And that's what counts the most. One day I'll be able to see the moon in this ordeal.

I sure hope so.