What is love?
It's pretty humorous the fact that we mock a question of its value (thanks in part to this comedy trio) and dismiss the very real implications behind it. The phrase really has become no more than an elementary pondering; it's a simple human emotion. Realistically speaking, how many of our emotions can we call simple? Consider the vast amount of depth to base emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear...hell, even the thesaurus will give you a different list of identities. So where exactly does love fall in that retrospect? Well, I could make the argument love is a smorgasbord of just a bit of everything. Don't call me Casanova, but I feel the 3 or 4 true, meaningful relationships I've had since high school exemplify a 'quality over quantity' disposition. Pass it off as no more than high school romance, but damn if it wasn't love that I felt in those many, many weeks in relationships...I may never feel it. Recently, I've related strongly to the opposite half of the equation -- many, many weeks not in a relationship. In fact, next month will mark 2 years since my last relationship, and I don't mean to convey that as a, "woe is me, I'll never love again!", more than I mean to wonder, "wow, it's been 2 years already?". Believe me, I would be lying if I said that being single has not been tough at times. It has its drawbacks, but it's the positive benefits that count at the end of the day. I have to say, I'm confident that this time out of intimacy has helped me become a stronger person in myself and my future relationships, and I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to recenter my focus on what makes having a significant other so rewarding.
However, seeking perfection in an imperfect system creates obstacles.
Many people who know me know that I can be an open book, wear my heart on my sleeve, if you will. I try not to delve too deep into my interpersonal relationships, especially the sacred nature of past memories with the aforementioned, and I'll do my best to keep it that way for the sake of your attention span and the respect of girlfriends past (hi if you're reading!). What I mean to get at is every relationship, positive or negative, teaches me something new as far as what to do and what not to do. That's something every relationship should do in my opinion, Teach you about love. The personal effects, the sacrifices that must be made, what it means to be a good partner, all of the elements that make up a strong, healthy, and most importantly sustaining relationship. You might be thinking, "Isn't it a little early to have a relationship and be looking for the one?". I know, I've thought the same thing to myself since high school. I've found the broader question to be asking ourselves is, "When is the right time to be thinking about the one?". This challenges me a little. I find myself stuck here in limbo. On one hand, a reality where I spend my time weeding out those I find less than suitable for the long run and dating to search for the person I ultimately spend my life with. On the other, a life of mostly failed relationships with little compatibility, frequent disagreement, and questionable intimacy until you stumble upon the diamond in the rough. I'll admit, the descriptions I gave here do give off a sense of complaint, but they showcase once more the principle of quantity-vs.-quality.
Truly a catch-22 if I've ever seen one.
So what's the better method? More women or more compatible women? After two years of watching others' relationships and the knowledge of my previous relationships combined, I find that the one thing I miss most from being in a relationship is the sharing of passions between two like minded people. Being in a relationship more often than not has brought out the best in me, and others. A successful relationship has potential to breed the most creative collaborative thoughts and ideas imaginable. Advancing an acquaintance into a lifetime friend, the confider of all things confidential and the safekeeper of hopes and dreams. A relationship involving strong mutual support makes you feel...unstoppable. Makes your ambitions sound a whole lot more unstoppable, too. The tides are beginning to turn a new age however, as I see a lot of relationships founded upon mere lust for one another, trivializing the qualities that make human beings remarkable, fascinating creatures and electing instead to substitute them with a set of genitals. Sure, the reward is much more appetizing in the short term, but can you look yourself in the mirror and say this foundation will create a happier and more satisfying future for you? If not, maybe you need something different.
I think I need something different.
To wrap my thoughts up, I bring us back to our question at hand: what is love? Well, less of an emotion. More than a feeling, so to speak. A state of mind, Accepting the fact that as humans, we screw up. Devoting parts of our entire lives to one individual out of compassion and trust. When you can share the hobbies that make you exuberant with a person who makes those activities feel even more grandiose...that is love. Can you blame me for waiting? I've run my trials and tribulations, made my fair share of mistakes and wrongdoings, and now I'm single so that I can look for 'the one'. And I say, 'the one', not quite in the traditional sense of that phrase. I'm looking for the one that I can share this continuing gift of life with. Is that not a gift worth spreading? If not...well, keep an eye out for the one that's worth spreading it with. If wearing my heart on my sleeve is considered negative, so be it.
You could say I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve.
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