What is love?
It's pretty humorous the fact that we mock a question of its value (thanks in part to this comedy trio) and dismiss the very real implications behind it. The phrase really has become no more than an elementary pondering; it's a simple human emotion. Realistically speaking, how many of our emotions can we call simple? Consider the vast amount of depth to base emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear...hell, even the thesaurus will give you a different list of identities. So where exactly does love fall in that retrospect? Well, I could make the argument love is a smorgasbord of just a bit of everything. Don't call me Casanova, but I feel the 3 or 4 true, meaningful relationships I've had since high school exemplify a 'quality over quantity' disposition. Pass it off as no more than high school romance, but damn if it wasn't love that I felt in those many, many weeks in relationships...I may never feel it. Recently, I've related strongly to the opposite half of the equation -- many, many weeks not in a relationship. In fact, next month will mark 2 years since my last relationship, and I don't mean to convey that as a, "woe is me, I'll never love again!", more than I mean to wonder, "wow, it's been 2 years already?". Believe me, I would be lying if I said that being single has not been tough at times. It has its drawbacks, but it's the positive benefits that count at the end of the day. I have to say, I'm confident that this time out of intimacy has helped me become a stronger person in myself and my future relationships, and I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to recenter my focus on what makes having a significant other so rewarding.
However, seeking perfection in an imperfect system creates obstacles.
Many people who know me know that I can be an open book, wear my heart on my sleeve, if you will. I try not to delve too deep into my interpersonal relationships, especially the sacred nature of past memories with the aforementioned, and I'll do my best to keep it that way for the sake of your attention span and the respect of girlfriends past (hi if you're reading!). What I mean to get at is every relationship, positive or negative, teaches me something new as far as what to do and what not to do. That's something every relationship should do in my opinion, Teach you about love. The personal effects, the sacrifices that must be made, what it means to be a good partner, all of the elements that make up a strong, healthy, and most importantly sustaining relationship. You might be thinking, "Isn't it a little early to have a relationship and be looking for the one?". I know, I've thought the same thing to myself since high school. I've found the broader question to be asking ourselves is, "When is the right time to be thinking about the one?". This challenges me a little. I find myself stuck here in limbo. On one hand, a reality where I spend my time weeding out those I find less than suitable for the long run and dating to search for the person I ultimately spend my life with. On the other, a life of mostly failed relationships with little compatibility, frequent disagreement, and questionable intimacy until you stumble upon the diamond in the rough. I'll admit, the descriptions I gave here do give off a sense of complaint, but they showcase once more the principle of quantity-vs.-quality.
Truly a catch-22 if I've ever seen one.
So what's the better method? More women or more compatible women? After two years of watching others' relationships and the knowledge of my previous relationships combined, I find that the one thing I miss most from being in a relationship is the sharing of passions between two like minded people. Being in a relationship more often than not has brought out the best in me, and others. A successful relationship has potential to breed the most creative collaborative thoughts and ideas imaginable. Advancing an acquaintance into a lifetime friend, the confider of all things confidential and the safekeeper of hopes and dreams. A relationship involving strong mutual support makes you feel...unstoppable. Makes your ambitions sound a whole lot more unstoppable, too. The tides are beginning to turn a new age however, as I see a lot of relationships founded upon mere lust for one another, trivializing the qualities that make human beings remarkable, fascinating creatures and electing instead to substitute them with a set of genitals. Sure, the reward is much more appetizing in the short term, but can you look yourself in the mirror and say this foundation will create a happier and more satisfying future for you? If not, maybe you need something different.
I think I need something different.
To wrap my thoughts up, I bring us back to our question at hand: what is love? Well, less of an emotion. More than a feeling, so to speak. A state of mind, Accepting the fact that as humans, we screw up. Devoting parts of our entire lives to one individual out of compassion and trust. When you can share the hobbies that make you exuberant with a person who makes those activities feel even more grandiose...that is love. Can you blame me for waiting? I've run my trials and tribulations, made my fair share of mistakes and wrongdoings, and now I'm single so that I can look for 'the one'. And I say, 'the one', not quite in the traditional sense of that phrase. I'm looking for the one that I can share this continuing gift of life with. Is that not a gift worth spreading? If not...well, keep an eye out for the one that's worth spreading it with. If wearing my heart on my sleeve is considered negative, so be it.
You could say I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Labels
I hate stereotypes.
Wait, that's a different blog! (shameless self-promotion, sorry.) In actuality, I feel like I've talked about the topic of stereotypes in previous years' entries numerous times. Stereotypes blatantly ignore the rich culture behind a body of people, many of which are incredibly positive and more importantly are just like the rest of us: indoctrinated, by-the-book Americans as our parents raised us. Rather than considering the lifestyle of the stereotyped, false judgement based on appearance and habits replaces most sentiment of fact. Obviously we have to be careful with what is considered a stereotype, as the line can be very thin on both sides of the spectrum. Stereotypes and racism can often be attributed, but it's a square-rectangle debacle, not all stereotypes are racist (etc.), while a negative attribute of a group can just as easily be mistaken as a stereotype. It's a thin line to walk, but these days it's pretty easy to tell what category of generalizations people make about each other.
Just take a look around.
Gosh, with all of the hysteria surrounding the U.S., there's fingers being pointed left and right on who the blame is towards, and often times a scapegoat ends up taking the burden in the end. These scapegoats are often those same stereotyped groups I mentioned before; the negative stigma surrounding these bodies of people make it easy to simply pass off the real issue at hand and say, "Eh, it's easier to blame someone else." Hell, Donald Trump is running an entire campaign based on this idealism -- place the blame elsewhere. Poor job market after a bad economy? Must be those damned Mexicans taking all our jobs! Build a wall! Domestic terrorism? Muslims! Let's not look for those inside the U.S. who are plotting against our nation, but Muslims are terror-fiends that must be stopped at all costs! Now, I'm not here to talk about politics (perhaps another time?), but it's a perfect example of scapegoating to promote a personal agenda...or blatant ignorance, which I could see both being the cause of in this case. But with that being said, let's transgress a little to a more personal note.
Where do you fall in stereotypes?
Chances are simply by existing, you are grouped into a stereotype. For Christ's sake, your gender more or less defines the kind of person that you're 'supposed' to be for the rest of your life, as far as social standards go. The color of your skin, your belief system, the activities you participate in -- stereotypes are everywhere. And again, as I mentioned in my opening, it's mostly the lack of knowledge and education on a group and instead replacing it with what we've been shown, the glamorization (so to speak) of the negative. Labeled a nuisance to the public at large simply because of affiliation that more often than not is not a choice. I've heard my fair share of stereotypical remarks, being red-headed, involved in a marching band program, and honestly just for being male. Pretty remarkable, in fact. But there's just one stereotype here that I want to bring up that irks me to no end.
The college student.
You know the kind! The social justice warrior who click-clacks at their keyboards all day, triggered by any issue you throw at them, needing a safe space for their verbal trauma while whining about their lives and how difficult they have it. I'm sure you know someone that's thrown around this terminology, loosely or verbatim. What really gets under my skin about this representation is...well, just look at it. Blanketed by prejudice and falsehood. I mean, come on, when has anybody EVER seen a college age student in real life who needed to separate themselves to feel "safe"? I'm convinced this has never happened. I hear about it all the time but I've never actually seen it, and hell, I AM a college student. But don't tell anybody who thinks this about you, because suddenly as soon as you try to defend your position on why none of that nonsense makes any sort of sense, you're offended, you can't take a joke, you're not in on it, you'e just one of them. Please. It's getting out of hand. So you know what I've been doing instead of arguing my case?
Breaking the stereotype.
You can't expect one person to change the perception of ignorance. Nor could you expect ten. Or one hundred. Probably not even one thousand. Ignorance is bliss as they say, and some people are just happy as can be. But what you can do is be a fair and just individual that lives their life beyond the bounds of what they're told, and instead re-invent the type of person you want to be seen as, not what others see you as. Defending yourself is now written off as being offended? Fine. They can throw as many hurdles and obstacles to denounce your affiliation as possible, but to quote another cliche saying, actions speak louder than words. Like it or not, everybody's watching. Your actions could define what others think about people like you potentially for the rest of their lives. Instead of complaining of the label slapped on me by society, I choose to take a stand and say, "College students are the brighter future of America's business leaders, working class, and government officials." through habit, not through tongues. An unwanted responsibility? Perhaps, but a responsibility nonetheless to just be a decent fucking human being.
Don't be just a label.
Wait, that's a different blog! (shameless self-promotion, sorry.) In actuality, I feel like I've talked about the topic of stereotypes in previous years' entries numerous times. Stereotypes blatantly ignore the rich culture behind a body of people, many of which are incredibly positive and more importantly are just like the rest of us: indoctrinated, by-the-book Americans as our parents raised us. Rather than considering the lifestyle of the stereotyped, false judgement based on appearance and habits replaces most sentiment of fact. Obviously we have to be careful with what is considered a stereotype, as the line can be very thin on both sides of the spectrum. Stereotypes and racism can often be attributed, but it's a square-rectangle debacle, not all stereotypes are racist (etc.), while a negative attribute of a group can just as easily be mistaken as a stereotype. It's a thin line to walk, but these days it's pretty easy to tell what category of generalizations people make about each other.
Just take a look around.
Gosh, with all of the hysteria surrounding the U.S., there's fingers being pointed left and right on who the blame is towards, and often times a scapegoat ends up taking the burden in the end. These scapegoats are often those same stereotyped groups I mentioned before; the negative stigma surrounding these bodies of people make it easy to simply pass off the real issue at hand and say, "Eh, it's easier to blame someone else." Hell, Donald Trump is running an entire campaign based on this idealism -- place the blame elsewhere. Poor job market after a bad economy? Must be those damned Mexicans taking all our jobs! Build a wall! Domestic terrorism? Muslims! Let's not look for those inside the U.S. who are plotting against our nation, but Muslims are terror-fiends that must be stopped at all costs! Now, I'm not here to talk about politics (perhaps another time?), but it's a perfect example of scapegoating to promote a personal agenda...or blatant ignorance, which I could see both being the cause of in this case. But with that being said, let's transgress a little to a more personal note.
Where do you fall in stereotypes?
Chances are simply by existing, you are grouped into a stereotype. For Christ's sake, your gender more or less defines the kind of person that you're 'supposed' to be for the rest of your life, as far as social standards go. The color of your skin, your belief system, the activities you participate in -- stereotypes are everywhere. And again, as I mentioned in my opening, it's mostly the lack of knowledge and education on a group and instead replacing it with what we've been shown, the glamorization (so to speak) of the negative. Labeled a nuisance to the public at large simply because of affiliation that more often than not is not a choice. I've heard my fair share of stereotypical remarks, being red-headed, involved in a marching band program, and honestly just for being male. Pretty remarkable, in fact. But there's just one stereotype here that I want to bring up that irks me to no end.
The college student.
You know the kind! The social justice warrior who click-clacks at their keyboards all day, triggered by any issue you throw at them, needing a safe space for their verbal trauma while whining about their lives and how difficult they have it. I'm sure you know someone that's thrown around this terminology, loosely or verbatim. What really gets under my skin about this representation is...well, just look at it. Blanketed by prejudice and falsehood. I mean, come on, when has anybody EVER seen a college age student in real life who needed to separate themselves to feel "safe"? I'm convinced this has never happened. I hear about it all the time but I've never actually seen it, and hell, I AM a college student. But don't tell anybody who thinks this about you, because suddenly as soon as you try to defend your position on why none of that nonsense makes any sort of sense, you're offended, you can't take a joke, you're not in on it, you'e just one of them. Please. It's getting out of hand. So you know what I've been doing instead of arguing my case?
Breaking the stereotype.
You can't expect one person to change the perception of ignorance. Nor could you expect ten. Or one hundred. Probably not even one thousand. Ignorance is bliss as they say, and some people are just happy as can be. But what you can do is be a fair and just individual that lives their life beyond the bounds of what they're told, and instead re-invent the type of person you want to be seen as, not what others see you as. Defending yourself is now written off as being offended? Fine. They can throw as many hurdles and obstacles to denounce your affiliation as possible, but to quote another cliche saying, actions speak louder than words. Like it or not, everybody's watching. Your actions could define what others think about people like you potentially for the rest of their lives. Instead of complaining of the label slapped on me by society, I choose to take a stand and say, "College students are the brighter future of America's business leaders, working class, and government officials." through habit, not through tongues. An unwanted responsibility? Perhaps, but a responsibility nonetheless to just be a decent fucking human being.
Don't be just a label.
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