Thank God the week is over.
This last week has certainly been one of the most trying and laboring week I have faced in a long time. Long last, spring break has finally arrived to salvage students of all kinds for a week of solitude and freedom. The weather is absolutely beautiful, further characterizing the picturesque spring break. I'm really glad that I am able to get away for a little while. In doing so, I'll be able to clear my mind from the burden of work and the stress of every day life and send myself in exile to paradise. Quite literally, in fact. I have the honor of taking the trip to Florida and spending my break in the magical world of Disney (and I use the term magical loosely). Whether this haven is truly as glorified as it seems, it's just so nice to be away from the everyday norms that I'm so accustomed to. To travel to a far away place and be able to be someone else for a whole week...
That's the true magic.
Just being with all of my great friends and colleagues, running around in the greatness that is Florida, returning to the ocean I have fallen in love with and experiencing new feelings. The thought itself excites me. I love being able to travel and see different aspects of the world. Albeit, it's only a trip to Florida, but it is a trip nonetheless. It allows the opportunity to leave everything behind. Sure, you'll have to come back to what you were, but for the moment you can be whatever you want. It's a shame that this phenomena only allows for a week of time. A week is just too short of a time to leave it all behind. There's just so much to do in so little time. Why escape for just a week? Escape for two weeks. A month. A year. Forever. What a dream...
To drop off the radar.
No curfew to abide by. No schedule to review. No one constantly monitoring your every move. No, it's just you, great people, and an extravagant experience. For once, it would feel great to not have one single care in the world. This is why I long for the endless summer days and nights with all of my friends, the warm nights keeping us safe and an aura of youth lingering throughout the entire world. If only we were able to just get away from it all for a while.
I guess this break will have to do.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Less Than, or Equal To?
≤
In mathematical terms, the above symbol means less than or equal to. Generally it is substituted in place of an equals sign within an equation when the result has a variable that cannot exceed a given value. Math is definitely one of those topics where the concept may be difficult to grasp for some. Every single equation leads to a logical answer given from an equation, or a problem. Math is not necessarily a feasible entity though. Although it works within our lives, math is never something we can physically see. Life, however, poses its own problems into our lives. These equations are worked out in our own time, much differently than a math problem. We take two values or even just one value, and we set it equal to an answer. At least, most things are equal. Humanity is not necessarily something that will let equality reign free. It has been an issue in the past, it will be an issue in the future, and it is an issue now. One equation that humans can not seem to agree on.
Why can't a man plus a man equal a marriage?
I know the topic seems like it was just dropped and may be irrelevant, but I have a lot to say now that the Supreme Court has heard the case of Hollingsworth v. Perry. I had no idea what this case even was. After reading the full oral transcript of the hearing, I feel like I have grasped the ideas each side expresses pretty well. A lot of these reasons are logical in the sense that each side must present the constitutionally of the issue, rather than the morality or ethics of the issue. The audience however, the casual observer can think whatever they want. After seeing the outburst of opinions and emotions of the issue, I am only left with one legitimate question. I don't want to stir the pot or make a great big scene out of it, but I genuinely want to know:
Why can't two people of the same sex be married?
Please, enlighten me. Because the Bible says so? Okay, let's talk about the Bible for a bit. With that being said, I am no Bible basher, but I do have my own feelings over this literature, and it's certainly questionable. A little history lesson for you: there was once a time where prejudice of one group of people ran absolutely rampant amongst American culture. That was the era after the Civil War where African Americans were seen as the lowest of the low. You were absolute scum if you were black. The funny thing? The Bible was used by the pro segregation community to say that black people were made inferior by God and even justified that slavery was legal under God. Harsh interpretation? Well, look at what is happening right now. The same exact thing with the gay community. We feel differently about black people now because our feelings changed. Where is there no room for the thought process to change on the gay community? You might argue that black people can't help the way they are, but it is a choice to be gay.
Well, consider the following.
Hundreds of millions of American soldiers are sacrificing themselves to provide freedom for our beautiful country. Often, when they arrive home, many are homeless, jobless, and generally shoved aside from regular communities. Yet, we see this as such a disgrace. These soldiers fighting for God and their country should be treated like heroes! They have put everything on the line for us! Well, if we use the same logic that we feel about the gay community (since it is a soldier's choice to go to war), they deserve to be homeless and jobless and sleeping in the streets even if they have served our country the greatest sacrifice they can. They don't deserve anything, because they weren't born into the military. The general argument is of course it's a different scenario where these people deserve recognition and respect because they've done something for this country and should be treated differently than gays who have not.
No. No they shouldn't.
What is so hard about giving someone respect? Where did that go? Isn't there scripture in the Bible that tells you to love thy neighbor? Of course, but there's an exception for gays. Come on, really? Times are radically changing in our lifestyle. Things that were once held standard are starting to be questioned and even accepted by our community. Why can't this be another one of those issues? People have been showing this form of equality by spreading around the equals sign, =, that expresses their desire to be treated as another human being.
But they shouldn't be treated the same.
In fact, the gay community is a thriving culture of loving and caring people that I know love life more than the next person. Although shunned and bashed and torn apart in our society, they love the way they are. Because they know that such arrogance will only be defeated by keeping their head high and treating others with the respect they deserve. Equality shouldn't be the expected result. These people should live without the fear of being lynched for their feelings, or bullied because of who they love. The fact of the matter is that gays are humans. They should not be less than nor equal to our society, but instead greater than or equal simply because they are one of us. Human. Isn't that just simple math?
≥
In mathematical terms, the above symbol means less than or equal to. Generally it is substituted in place of an equals sign within an equation when the result has a variable that cannot exceed a given value. Math is definitely one of those topics where the concept may be difficult to grasp for some. Every single equation leads to a logical answer given from an equation, or a problem. Math is not necessarily a feasible entity though. Although it works within our lives, math is never something we can physically see. Life, however, poses its own problems into our lives. These equations are worked out in our own time, much differently than a math problem. We take two values or even just one value, and we set it equal to an answer. At least, most things are equal. Humanity is not necessarily something that will let equality reign free. It has been an issue in the past, it will be an issue in the future, and it is an issue now. One equation that humans can not seem to agree on.
Why can't a man plus a man equal a marriage?
I know the topic seems like it was just dropped and may be irrelevant, but I have a lot to say now that the Supreme Court has heard the case of Hollingsworth v. Perry. I had no idea what this case even was. After reading the full oral transcript of the hearing, I feel like I have grasped the ideas each side expresses pretty well. A lot of these reasons are logical in the sense that each side must present the constitutionally of the issue, rather than the morality or ethics of the issue. The audience however, the casual observer can think whatever they want. After seeing the outburst of opinions and emotions of the issue, I am only left with one legitimate question. I don't want to stir the pot or make a great big scene out of it, but I genuinely want to know:
Why can't two people of the same sex be married?
Please, enlighten me. Because the Bible says so? Okay, let's talk about the Bible for a bit. With that being said, I am no Bible basher, but I do have my own feelings over this literature, and it's certainly questionable. A little history lesson for you: there was once a time where prejudice of one group of people ran absolutely rampant amongst American culture. That was the era after the Civil War where African Americans were seen as the lowest of the low. You were absolute scum if you were black. The funny thing? The Bible was used by the pro segregation community to say that black people were made inferior by God and even justified that slavery was legal under God. Harsh interpretation? Well, look at what is happening right now. The same exact thing with the gay community. We feel differently about black people now because our feelings changed. Where is there no room for the thought process to change on the gay community? You might argue that black people can't help the way they are, but it is a choice to be gay.
Well, consider the following.
Hundreds of millions of American soldiers are sacrificing themselves to provide freedom for our beautiful country. Often, when they arrive home, many are homeless, jobless, and generally shoved aside from regular communities. Yet, we see this as such a disgrace. These soldiers fighting for God and their country should be treated like heroes! They have put everything on the line for us! Well, if we use the same logic that we feel about the gay community (since it is a soldier's choice to go to war), they deserve to be homeless and jobless and sleeping in the streets even if they have served our country the greatest sacrifice they can. They don't deserve anything, because they weren't born into the military. The general argument is of course it's a different scenario where these people deserve recognition and respect because they've done something for this country and should be treated differently than gays who have not.
No. No they shouldn't.
What is so hard about giving someone respect? Where did that go? Isn't there scripture in the Bible that tells you to love thy neighbor? Of course, but there's an exception for gays. Come on, really? Times are radically changing in our lifestyle. Things that were once held standard are starting to be questioned and even accepted by our community. Why can't this be another one of those issues? People have been showing this form of equality by spreading around the equals sign, =, that expresses their desire to be treated as another human being.
But they shouldn't be treated the same.
In fact, the gay community is a thriving culture of loving and caring people that I know love life more than the next person. Although shunned and bashed and torn apart in our society, they love the way they are. Because they know that such arrogance will only be defeated by keeping their head high and treating others with the respect they deserve. Equality shouldn't be the expected result. These people should live without the fear of being lynched for their feelings, or bullied because of who they love. The fact of the matter is that gays are humans. They should not be less than nor equal to our society, but instead greater than or equal simply because they are one of us. Human. Isn't that just simple math?
≥
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Be a Man
I'm going through a tough time.
I was walking home a couple weeks ago. I live next to a school with a park; naturally there are going to be kids and parents run amuck through the open fields of play. I overheard a conversation between a father and daughter who presumably lived within my neighborhood. The girl couldn't have been older than 5 or 6, and the father was in either his late 30's or early 40's (drug use could have made him look older, but who knows). Besides that, I had no idea who either of them were. All I heard passing by on the brisk evening was the following conversation:
"Do you love mommy?"
"Yeah!"
"Do you love daddy?"
"Nu-uh!"
"Why don't you love daddy?"
"Because you're always gone, daddy. I never see you."
That scene has replayed in my head many, many times since then. Every time I hear the young girl's reasoning, so rich and innocent with childhood, it makes me think of myself as a child. The life I have lived.
My own father.
I grew up like most children. A mom and a dad under one roof. Plain and simple. Around the age of 6, I started seeing my dad less. There wasn't a lot of contact with him. I lived with my mother and grandparents mostly, I only heard from my dad. He was always working. I never thought anything of it. I was just...too young, I suppose. The best days of my childhood were the days where I got a call from my dad, promising a day to spend with him. A fantastic, fun filled day of swimming at a friend's house, going out on the town, or just spending time on a drive. It seemed like even those days were filled with sadness. "I have a little bit of work to finish," a phrase that defined my childhood memories. I would sit in a stranger's house, watching my father work until the sun sank deeper than my heart behind the horizon. But on the occasion, he would keep his promise. I would spend time with him. Those few magical times. The times where I felt recognized. The times where I loved him.
And he loved me.
I moved away from California and began seeing my dad less. Contact would soon fade away. When I would visit, it felt like a new beginning. Things had changed. We would go out on the ATV and pick fresh wild raspberries through the open vineyards of California wine country. Instantly I would feel like a kid again. My dad and I. Together. Happy. I felt safe and secure, meeting fantastic new people that my dad associated himself with whom loved me so. I felt it was a new start.
Things changed.
I haven't seen my father since summer of 2010. I haven't heard from him in nearly a year. The father I once knew and looked up to with gleaming childhood ambition is now what seems to me a perfect stranger that is roaming amongst the Earth, oblivious to the existence of a living and breathing child whom he claims responsibility for.
It hurts.
It hurts me, knowing that I have grown up with no male role model in my life. It hurts me, feeling like I am not important to the very person who many argue is the greatest influence in your life. Perhaps, it hurts me most of all to understand that I am not alone. My own tale is one that is belittled and negligible to the hundreds of thousands of millions of children who have grown up without a father. Even worse, lived with a father who was always there, but only to physically and mentally abuse them into a spiraling torment of darkness. My heart truly extends to those who have experienced anything to the likes of myself or any other extreme. The sad truth is that this epidemic of fatherlessness is spreading unavoidably. Responsibility is at an all time low. Teenage pregnancies are skyrocketing and there is little consequence to the father who thinks it's acceptable to live anonymously. Well I have a message for you.
Be a Man.
How dare you. No, even further, and personally from the bottom of my heart. Fuck you. Fuck you. Your actions cause the absolute degrading of a human life, the bastardization of a child who only wants to know why the hell he can't have his dad come in for career day or where dad is and why he isn't here. Life instantly becomes a broken reality with a missing half that cripples you each and every single day, every minute, every second. Emotion is stricken into a retreat of worthlessness and pain of bearing the scar that you are without something that seems like everybody has but you. All because you thought this was a game. All a fucking game. Step up and do your part. Be there for your children. Cherish every bit of them and never let them out of your sight. They need this love. The attention and affection no one else gives. With that love and care, maybe they wouldn't end up with the burden of never feeling good enough for anyone or feeling lost when you just need someone to be there for you. And there's no one.
I wish you knew that, dad. More than anything.
I was walking home a couple weeks ago. I live next to a school with a park; naturally there are going to be kids and parents run amuck through the open fields of play. I overheard a conversation between a father and daughter who presumably lived within my neighborhood. The girl couldn't have been older than 5 or 6, and the father was in either his late 30's or early 40's (drug use could have made him look older, but who knows). Besides that, I had no idea who either of them were. All I heard passing by on the brisk evening was the following conversation:
"Do you love mommy?"
"Yeah!"
"Do you love daddy?"
"Nu-uh!"
"Why don't you love daddy?"
"Because you're always gone, daddy. I never see you."
That scene has replayed in my head many, many times since then. Every time I hear the young girl's reasoning, so rich and innocent with childhood, it makes me think of myself as a child. The life I have lived.
My own father.
I grew up like most children. A mom and a dad under one roof. Plain and simple. Around the age of 6, I started seeing my dad less. There wasn't a lot of contact with him. I lived with my mother and grandparents mostly, I only heard from my dad. He was always working. I never thought anything of it. I was just...too young, I suppose. The best days of my childhood were the days where I got a call from my dad, promising a day to spend with him. A fantastic, fun filled day of swimming at a friend's house, going out on the town, or just spending time on a drive. It seemed like even those days were filled with sadness. "I have a little bit of work to finish," a phrase that defined my childhood memories. I would sit in a stranger's house, watching my father work until the sun sank deeper than my heart behind the horizon. But on the occasion, he would keep his promise. I would spend time with him. Those few magical times. The times where I felt recognized. The times where I loved him.
And he loved me.
I moved away from California and began seeing my dad less. Contact would soon fade away. When I would visit, it felt like a new beginning. Things had changed. We would go out on the ATV and pick fresh wild raspberries through the open vineyards of California wine country. Instantly I would feel like a kid again. My dad and I. Together. Happy. I felt safe and secure, meeting fantastic new people that my dad associated himself with whom loved me so. I felt it was a new start.
Things changed.
I haven't seen my father since summer of 2010. I haven't heard from him in nearly a year. The father I once knew and looked up to with gleaming childhood ambition is now what seems to me a perfect stranger that is roaming amongst the Earth, oblivious to the existence of a living and breathing child whom he claims responsibility for.
It hurts.
It hurts me, knowing that I have grown up with no male role model in my life. It hurts me, feeling like I am not important to the very person who many argue is the greatest influence in your life. Perhaps, it hurts me most of all to understand that I am not alone. My own tale is one that is belittled and negligible to the hundreds of thousands of millions of children who have grown up without a father. Even worse, lived with a father who was always there, but only to physically and mentally abuse them into a spiraling torment of darkness. My heart truly extends to those who have experienced anything to the likes of myself or any other extreme. The sad truth is that this epidemic of fatherlessness is spreading unavoidably. Responsibility is at an all time low. Teenage pregnancies are skyrocketing and there is little consequence to the father who thinks it's acceptable to live anonymously. Well I have a message for you.
Be a Man.
How dare you. No, even further, and personally from the bottom of my heart. Fuck you. Fuck you. Your actions cause the absolute degrading of a human life, the bastardization of a child who only wants to know why the hell he can't have his dad come in for career day or where dad is and why he isn't here. Life instantly becomes a broken reality with a missing half that cripples you each and every single day, every minute, every second. Emotion is stricken into a retreat of worthlessness and pain of bearing the scar that you are without something that seems like everybody has but you. All because you thought this was a game. All a fucking game. Step up and do your part. Be there for your children. Cherish every bit of them and never let them out of your sight. They need this love. The attention and affection no one else gives. With that love and care, maybe they wouldn't end up with the burden of never feeling good enough for anyone or feeling lost when you just need someone to be there for you. And there's no one.
I wish you knew that, dad. More than anything.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Entity of Happiness
Quite an exciting week.
There's been a lot of leisure time last week for me to just sit down and think, and I'll be having even more down time this entire week. I really need it, that's for sure. With last week being the big 2,000 view celebration of sorts, I've been thinking a lot about the history of my blog as I mentioned at the very end of last blog. My pursuit to find the meaning of happiness. I've been contemplating all about that statement; what truly does make me happy? I've been up and I've been down, sometimes it's just impossible to really define my source of happiness. That really seems to be all I talk about anymore. Happy happy happy. But perhaps, this is because happiness is present in every aspect of our lives, and you just have to look for your source of happiness.
I don't have to look quite too far.
I've thought about it recently, how important people are to your happiness. The role that those you love play in the ability to be able to surround yourself with those who love you. Love is truly a curious emotion, as it is an entity all its own that possesses so many unpredictable characteristics. Love can hold a significant role in happiness - it makes or breaks a life. The power to love is a double edged sword, either the chances bring fruitful happiness into every aspect, or they pierce the untouched canvas and cripple the inner soul. It's a cliche that has been analyzed and retold and said many times, so I'll try not to beat around the bush as much as I already have. Regardless, I thought a lot about love after my last post and whether it is aiding to my overall happiness.
It is. Of course it is.
In fact, for the last 6 months, I can probably say that I haven't been happier. I've been fortunate enough to meet not only a girl who I may call my girlfriend, but a best friend that I feel like I've known for years. When I reflect to my current situation about a year ago now, I would have never imagined that a year later I would be in such a position as I am. I have nearly everything I could ask for. And I truly do feel happy. I know that I'm not the kind of person to post things like this, especially being so public with my relationship, but 6 months is truly something to commend. Even when I look back, if we are not together in another 6 months, or a year later, or any time. It makes me happy to think that I have had the experiences I had with someone that makes me truly and wholly, happy. That's a great feeling to have.
I love you, dear <3
There's been a lot of leisure time last week for me to just sit down and think, and I'll be having even more down time this entire week. I really need it, that's for sure. With last week being the big 2,000 view celebration of sorts, I've been thinking a lot about the history of my blog as I mentioned at the very end of last blog. My pursuit to find the meaning of happiness. I've been contemplating all about that statement; what truly does make me happy? I've been up and I've been down, sometimes it's just impossible to really define my source of happiness. That really seems to be all I talk about anymore. Happy happy happy. But perhaps, this is because happiness is present in every aspect of our lives, and you just have to look for your source of happiness.
I don't have to look quite too far.
I've thought about it recently, how important people are to your happiness. The role that those you love play in the ability to be able to surround yourself with those who love you. Love is truly a curious emotion, as it is an entity all its own that possesses so many unpredictable characteristics. Love can hold a significant role in happiness - it makes or breaks a life. The power to love is a double edged sword, either the chances bring fruitful happiness into every aspect, or they pierce the untouched canvas and cripple the inner soul. It's a cliche that has been analyzed and retold and said many times, so I'll try not to beat around the bush as much as I already have. Regardless, I thought a lot about love after my last post and whether it is aiding to my overall happiness.
It is. Of course it is.
In fact, for the last 6 months, I can probably say that I haven't been happier. I've been fortunate enough to meet not only a girl who I may call my girlfriend, but a best friend that I feel like I've known for years. When I reflect to my current situation about a year ago now, I would have never imagined that a year later I would be in such a position as I am. I have nearly everything I could ask for. And I truly do feel happy. I know that I'm not the kind of person to post things like this, especially being so public with my relationship, but 6 months is truly something to commend. Even when I look back, if we are not together in another 6 months, or a year later, or any time. It makes me happy to think that I have had the experiences I had with someone that makes me truly and wholly, happy. That's a great feeling to have.
I love you, dear <3
Sunday, March 03, 2013
A Couple Thousand Later
Wow, 2,000 views?
Seriously?
Well, as you all can see, it appears that Catch-22 has reached the double millennial mark. 2,000 and some change. All I can really say is, well, wow. When I embarked on this writing journey nearly a year and a half ago, I would have never imagined that others would take such great notice to what I only wanted to be a place where I could write my thoughts and findings. I mean, it's just what I love to do. The fact that others truly enjoy reading what I do, that's a really humbling feeling. It seems like just last week I was thanking my blog readers for getting me up to (what was at the time) a surprising 1,000 views. My blog just seemed to take off around then, I get about 50 views every blog now, and that's really something that I never anticipated. So, before I start sounding like I'm rambling (which I'm afraid I'm too late), allow me to get to the point.
Thank you. Yeah, you.
Without people like you, I wouldn't have felt a lot of the great feelings I do to this day. It makes me so happy when people come up to me and mention my blog, or say it was really inspiring to them and it was just what they needed, or even just saying that it's written well. Little things like that, it really means a lot. Lately, my blog has been going to places I never thought it would. I mean, I had no idea, but my blog was even briefly mentioned in the newspaper. Not only that, the author of that article even listed me under her favorite blogs on her own website. Being recognized by a journalist as such was one of the coolest things, and I didn't even know about it until a couple weeks ago. It makes me wonder how far this blog may actually go.
But I have to remember my roots.
It's just crazy to think how I started 2,000 views ago. Just posting findings of my life, things I found peculiar in order to reach my own enlightenment. Hell, that's what the caption under my blog name says. This blog still is my pursuit to find the meaning of life. I feel as if every day I become closer and closer to actually discovering this beautiful truth. Through help of supporters like yourself, by the tribulations I face that make me become stronger as a result, it's remarkable the things I have learned simply by sitting down on a Sunday evening and pondering "What have I learned this week?" All I know is that there is much more to come in my discovery. I'm closing in on my findings, and waiting for the one day where that enlightenment I long for so desperately is achieved.
Here's to another 2,000.
Seriously?
Well, as you all can see, it appears that Catch-22 has reached the double millennial mark. 2,000 and some change. All I can really say is, well, wow. When I embarked on this writing journey nearly a year and a half ago, I would have never imagined that others would take such great notice to what I only wanted to be a place where I could write my thoughts and findings. I mean, it's just what I love to do. The fact that others truly enjoy reading what I do, that's a really humbling feeling. It seems like just last week I was thanking my blog readers for getting me up to (what was at the time) a surprising 1,000 views. My blog just seemed to take off around then, I get about 50 views every blog now, and that's really something that I never anticipated. So, before I start sounding like I'm rambling (which I'm afraid I'm too late), allow me to get to the point.
Thank you. Yeah, you.
Without people like you, I wouldn't have felt a lot of the great feelings I do to this day. It makes me so happy when people come up to me and mention my blog, or say it was really inspiring to them and it was just what they needed, or even just saying that it's written well. Little things like that, it really means a lot. Lately, my blog has been going to places I never thought it would. I mean, I had no idea, but my blog was even briefly mentioned in the newspaper. Not only that, the author of that article even listed me under her favorite blogs on her own website. Being recognized by a journalist as such was one of the coolest things, and I didn't even know about it until a couple weeks ago. It makes me wonder how far this blog may actually go.
But I have to remember my roots.
It's just crazy to think how I started 2,000 views ago. Just posting findings of my life, things I found peculiar in order to reach my own enlightenment. Hell, that's what the caption under my blog name says. This blog still is my pursuit to find the meaning of life. I feel as if every day I become closer and closer to actually discovering this beautiful truth. Through help of supporters like yourself, by the tribulations I face that make me become stronger as a result, it's remarkable the things I have learned simply by sitting down on a Sunday evening and pondering "What have I learned this week?" All I know is that there is much more to come in my discovery. I'm closing in on my findings, and waiting for the one day where that enlightenment I long for so desperately is achieved.
Here's to another 2,000.
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