Hang Loose

It's my favorite season of the year.

Autumn even sounds so much more graceful and appealing to the ears from the other 3 seasons that accompany Autumn in its cycle. Honestly, I hate people who call this beloved season "Fall". Yes, the leaves do fall, but the term just has such a negative connotation. Just say the word...Autumn. It calms the mind, the thought is so uplifting, it is almost as if new life is being brought forth. My love for Autumn expands over many different aspects, from the visual appearance of the faded gold, royal orange, and earthy brown leaves, to the lukewarm climate that wraps around you like a comfortable blanket, even the light breezes that brush through the leaves and carry the leaves away.

Man, I love Autumn.

I decided to start my Autumn off with a couple of good friends of mine, taking a trip down to Boulder to go see a diverse musical duo. The instrument of expertise was a hang, an instrument very similar to a steel drum or pan drum, except these instruments are very sacred to those who play it. The instrument is exclusively made in Switzerland by two men who own the company Panart. In order to get one, you must write a handwritten letter to the company stating why you feel you should be made a hang. If accepted, out of the thousands that write in every year, you will be called to Switzerland to receive your hang. Only 200-300 are made a year. This is something truly special. The following is why:

This is the group I went to go see with my friends. Hang Massive consists of Danny Cudd from the UK and Markus Johansson from Sweden. The sounds that they produced from these instruments...it was unreal. It told a story, it evoked emotion that typical forms of music have been unable to produce. You felt at peace listening to these two. Perhaps, even more intriguing than the music or instrument itself was the personality of these two guys. They seemed so...carefree. As if nothing in the world mattered than what they were doing. To produce beautiful music. I didn't really understand why they felt that way.

Until I was offered the opportunity to play one.

The utter generosity of Markus stunned me, frankly. After the performance, my friends and I decided to talk to the duo, who seemed to promptly ask us if we wanted to play the instruments. There I was, a special and rare instrument that costed upwards towards $3000 in my lap, being allowed to play it as if it were my own. My gosh...I have never felt so elated in my entire life. I felt just as the duo had appeared in their performance: graceful, at ease, not a care in the world.

And that truly spoke to me.

I figured that I would make this season of Autumn very much like the way I felt playing that hang. Peaceful, graceful, a new beginning of sorts. As the leaves turn their glorious colors and slowly age, I too will be one with them, growing into something more than I appear on the outside. A new birth, a sense of grace, understanding, and love. Call me a hippie, but I'll tell you what, it will surely be better than the static image of the person I once was before this experience.

May you experience tranquility yourself, my friends.

Day Late, Dollar Short

So I forgot to post a blog the other day. Whoops.

I suppose I owe it to my dedicated followers that I make a blog tonight. Interesting even, especially because this blog is about my ongoing battle with an old enemy of mine: my own procrastination. I mean, it sure seems fun while it lasts, but really I've been dragged down a lot because of it lately. I find it interesting how the human mind works, really. At least, the way that mine operates in terms of my own work. Whether it be school, personal projects, hell, even regular tasks sometimes I just can't seem to motivate myself to do a lot of things anymore because of other reasons. It's really taking a hit on me, and it sucks that things have to be that way.

On the contrary, my motivation has skyrocketed lately.

It just seems like that drive for excellence is beginning to increase in baby steps. Nothing too drastic, but I'm really beginning to see a surge in motivation to perform small tasks. From here, things can really only get better, creating a snowball effect in my motivation. I've discovered that in order to truly obtain what you want, you have to work for it, and that is something I am prepared to do. It seems like a lack of motivation has swept over quite a bit of human nature lately, which is an utter shame to see at times. Without motivation, how are we to be the great innovators and creators we are portrayed as? It doesn't matter how herculean the task at hand may be. Just remember with motivation, anything can be done. The common term used for a lack of motivation is being a day late and a dollar short.

Looks like I'll be raking in the profits early.

Karma

Karma is defined as the principle of performing one action, and this action will be returned to you.

This is the lifestyle that I have striven to achieve to the best of my ability. It just seems like my human nature enables me to help others more than myself. I couldn't really tell you why I do it. But I do. Other people mean everything to me. It doesn't matter how low, or how beaten, or how upset I am. The happiness of others is what means most to me. It is a topic I have delved into more than once, the concept of selflessness, and how achieving a balance of selfish and selfless behavior is the target. By giving enough to people, my ultimate passion in life, my life should be a well managed and balanced life through the principle of karma.

That's what you'd think, anyways.

I don't mean to exhibit self-pity unto myself, but things just haven't been great. And perhaps, this is my own fault. It seems all I do is give, and give, and give until my heart simply can't give any more. Regardless if it helps my own well being or not, I do all I can to help. My biggest flaw is that I try to please everyone, and this is a curse that I simply cannot shake. I truly am incredibly selfless, and some might say that is a good thing. In fact, it must be. All anybody tells me anymore is that "Joe, you're so helpful, you're such a great person, you'd do anything for someone." But in reality, that is my own downfall. I am so humble over myself, these comments don't even phase me anymore. It's just who I am. Lately, that hasn't been good for me. I seem to care less and less about myself. My own needs. I'm coming to the realization that really, there aren't many people that would return the favor.

It's just not human nature.

Everybody nowadays is so concerned with their own needs, what pleases them, selfishness over selflessness. This seems to be the way that people get through their lives successfully. Minding only themselves and no one else. Which is ironic, because through helping others so much, making others happy whereas it probably meant nothing to them in the long run, my life has only become worse for me. I just can't find any motivation to care about myself, because I only want to help others. No one really sees that as something wrong. But it is. Sometimes I wonder whether what I do truly impacts people, or whether people really take compassion for granted. Maybe karma's right.

Maybe I'm not as great as everyone says I am.

Burst of Emotion

Emotion may be one of the greatest flaws of human nature.

Such strong human instinct causes us to do some of the most drastic and ridiculous things. Emotion clouds the concept of judgement, acting purely on what seems like impulse. Heart over mind. It seems that as emotion increases, our decisions become less and less sound. Emotion enables vulnerability, in which exposed can lead to some of the most catastrophic consequences. Often, this is why we seldom choose to expose our own vulnerabilities and emotions, because we fear these consequences of hurt, anguish, despair, and hopelessness. Emotion sensationalizes the interactions we hold, but occasionally these sensations are not positive.

Negativity is our primary nature.

Something I've surely felt lately. The consequences of falling into such strong emotion, the temptation of the beautiful and extravagant flower that possesses the toxins of a slow and merciless death. The price that comes with everlasting happiness; something to revoke that happiness. For me, this is worry. Helplessness. The fear that this feeling may not last forever. And of course, the enemy that makes this pain so unbearable is myself. I am the only one who creates these scenarios that trigger fear and worry, my own thought enhances these emotions, further dragging me into the downward spiral. This only leaves me with one human trait to blame: emotion. It is emotion that has consequently brought me the sleepless nights of heartache, the absence of any feeling, the bitter cold tears that stream down my warm face in utter defeat. What exactly is such emotion good for?

Nothing.