I'm terrible at commitment.
See for yourself. Take a look at my most recent blog posts off to the left. Notice any inconsistency over the last couple years? My blog has taken a bit more time in between posts as the years pass, and I'll be completely honest that most of it is attributed to my lack of commitment. Sorry about that, long-time readers! For those newcomers, congratulations! You got two blog posts in the span of about a week. That never happens, frankly. But this trend is also in part to the small commitment I do have in producing high quality, thought-provoking work based on past experiences that are not conveyed via humble brag. If my life can exemplify preparation of hardships for anybody else while simultaneously entertaining my readers, I feel I have successfully done what my blog initially set out to do. It's hard to match that tier of excellence on a weekly, sometimes even biweekly basis. I edit these things profusely now, rereading over the course of weeks and drafting and editing and peer-editing...this blog deserves to be beneficial for you! The fact that I get center stage for 5 minutes or so is enough for me. But this doesn't entirely make up for my unpreparedness. Those who know me know I'm often late to things, overbook from time to time, and am sometimes hard to get a hold of. Sorry isn't enough, but I suppose you could consider this as much of an apology as possible? I know it's a bit of a social faux pas, but wait, hear me out, I can explain:
These tendencies don't always exactly mean you're a bad person.
That is, I feel intent and context is always important in these kinds of situations. Have plans with somebody but you just don't feel like going and don't show? Shitty person. Have a lot of friends trying to bid for your time but have a tight schedule and overbook? Mildly justifiable. For instance, the desire to please everyone normally dominates your schedule book, trying to fit in everybody even for just an hour or two. It's no secret that it sucks having to upset people by rejecting an offer to congregate, especially when there are so many close friends that you want to maintain a strong relationship with. I've come to terms with the fact that the workload in people's lives sometimes does not allot you a time slot. It's a conundrum you have to expect so as not to unfairly hold others in content for simply living their busy lives. It also helps your own psyche in the ability and confidence to make plans. Does not spending time mean you value a relationship less? Not necessarily. There comes the magic word: intent.
What do you want out of your relationships?
Platonic or intimate, it's a common saying that the effort you put in towards something translates to reward in some capacity; you get what you give. Dedication to a craft yields success in that particular skill set. Investment into a significant other flourishes into a prosperous relationship. But is it practical to ask for the attention to be prioritized to you specifically in given scenarios? Obviously there is an existing hierarchy that prioritizes elements higher or lower than others; where the importance lies most is up for debate. I can't sit here and tell you the list goes family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, social workers, and strangers, especially when that's not even the order I would put those in personally. Just as unique as the individual, the sentimental values of our interactions vary. It's akin to cutting in line for an attraction people have camped out for days to be at. Would that really be fair to ask for exclusivity?
But you can always play devil's advocate.
What happens when you meet that person who completely and entirely shakes the foundation of how you live every day life? One who, without influence, transfixes and captivates your eye towards them? I'm sure we can think of at least one person that if fate had not ordained you with, life suddenly becomes a completely alternate reality apart from what we know in comparison. We are fortunate as social beings to have the chance to meet many influential individuals, of whom we may not know end up signifying landmark developments in our timeline. I talked last week about staying observant of the masses that pour through the gaping funnel into our lives and of the vitality in being able to pinpoint these varieties of people. Although the night sky twinkles with billions of stars (many of which are invisible), there is still one that shines brighter than the others. In darkness, there is light to salvage us from what we thought was once unknown. A beacon of dependence, guidance, and reliability. Yet, even though the brightest, this star can still coexist with all of the other stars in the galaxy. The harmony of the universe is not disturbed by the birth of a brighter star. The canvas of sky still paints a beautiful picture, so why not apply the same logic to our sphere of influence? No star is less important than the other. Why overshadow one star's beauty from another? In fact, when put together, those stars can form something even more beautiful than meets the eye.
Find a star that completes your constellation.
